Sun, Nov. 6th, 2016

Thoughts ...

Sun, Nov. 6th, 2016 00:32
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Marilyn Monroe Goddess)
In the here and now, I can find only myself
There may be a time when I can say your name
In the company of those who care to hear
To know something of self more than societal debt

Im not certain if I really have anything to say. Did I ever? Or have I always just been speaking as if any of it would ever be worth hearing. Writing as if any of it would ever be worth reading.

Trying so hard to matter.

Nothing matters.

Getting past that truth is simply slipping more comfortably into ego.

Tonight I attended the Druid Samhain ritual and I found myself saying my mother's name aloud for the first time. Apollo was there ... or was it me.

I was judgemental. Perhaps that should say I am.

I am not even certain I know who I am anymore, if I am anymore, if I should be anymore.

Is it time for me to go?

I am pretty certain I have breast cancer.

I have insurance that I pay for that doesn't cover anything until I spend more than I would in a year on coverage. Which means I simply do not make an appointment to find out, until I can afford to know.

I just do not get any of this anymore.

I don't want to eat canned cat food to survive. I do not want to die in discomfort.

Everyone starts, ends, and is alone. That is the only truth to the experience. Stop trying to conform to a false sense of something else.

There is and always will be nothing.



tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Default)

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