tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Marilyn Monroe Goddess)
[personal profile] tigrissky
There is a time where you try again, take a risk, putting one foot in front of another and step right off the edge of that cliff.

Maybe you'll fly.

Such a notion is all you need to proceed. To open the box of secrets, to eat from the sacred tree of knowledge, to let all of humanities doubts and fears escape into the world. Like Pandora, like Eve, like Ishtar and Inanna eating from the tree of knowledge and becoming the star of Venus. The star of hope. The star that leads the adventurer far from home and back again.

"When I began my journey of personal work and healing, I began to hear the word 'drama'. It addressed all the shadow, the brokenness, the emotional upheavals, the victimhood... you know what I'm talking about. It meant that this drama queen was not the 'real' me ~ but someone who was indulging in some seeking attention gimmicky behaviour.

I too picked up that word, and looked at my life as a soap opera of continuous twists and turns, highs and lows, and with great sincerity began to work to heal. Did a lot of work with my inner child. Deep gratitude to all those who supported me on my journey.

I also collected a lot of shaming messages on my way. Which I eventually learnt to give to myself. It was easy to shame me as shame has been big in my life. I began to interpret the difficult situations of my life as melodrama. Of course, sometimes, a hard shake-up does wake us up from an unconscious sleep. When I heard my behaviours being called drama and was told to get out of all that 'stuff' ... I was able to look at my life in a new way. I healed a lot of my auto-response behaviours once I understood the pattern.

Today, I can see how screwed up our body responses become through endless trauma creating experiences. Our body stores each and every memory of a fight or flight response that could not be properly executed. Our protective barriers have been breached a million times, (you know that if you are a girl travelling in public transport in India), and one simply learns to 'live with it'. So much numbing happens along the way, as our way of response gets frozen into habitual patterns.

Today, I am really sorry that I used the word 'drama' in a way that demeaned or shamed my brokenness, or any one else's brokenness. I want to deeply honour each one's life story and mine as well. I am glad I woke up to this, and apologise to anyone to whom I used this word. I am sorry."

The few quoted paragraphs above are from Sukhvindar Sircar, a woman of great respect whom I follow on Facebook. Her words came as I began writing this piece. A beneficial coincidence to the direction of my thoughts. Describing, with great analogy, the place I have been for so long now.

Yet here I am in this moment, on the precipice of transformative growth. A completion of sorts, into the beautiful bud of whatever flower I choose to become. To finally be done with time spent worrying about who I am and where I belong.

I belong nowhere.

I am variable.

This is exceedingly good knowledge. Knowledge of which I seem to periodically forget and rediscover.

A cycle completes and a Fool makes her way out into the world. Variable and heading nowhere she doesn't want to go.

Sand in her toes, awakened by the light of Venus, the star of hope, as she steps out into that ocean of night ...



~TigrisSky

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tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Default)
tigrissky

March 2017

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