tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Marilyn Monroe Goddess)


2017 quickly approaches, allowing a moment to reflect on the numerologically defined "9" this year has definitely been. I can only nod my head, in a form of acceptance and, perhaps a bit of appreciation, for the way it all played out. As a sort of initiation into the questionable form our human civilization is divisively taking towards becoming ...

Speaking of becoming; now is also a time to reflect upon the person I became in 2016. As well as postulate hopeful scenarios of the person I wish to become in 2017. How resolutely I succeed in accomplishing my "becoming" is affected directly by my willingness to change the reflections of that which "became" me.

artemis and apollo barry windsor smith.jpg

I am taken back six months, to a reflection from my birthday, of which the following seems relevant to share in order to understand my resolve for 2017.

"I am the artist of my truth, my wisdom, my experience and I do not intend to forget the pictures I have created along the way. Some of them bolder and louder than others. All of them a reflection of my creation myth.

A myth that started 39 years ago in a different time, in a different place. The history of which has ridden a wave of historic change in which I have had zero affect in shaping.

I am simply human. Part of a species advancing phenomenally as a whole. If such advancement, of a single species, to the detriment of so much around it, is to be considered a phenomenon. Which, even within my cynicism, I am left feeling is phenomenal. Knowing, in the grand scheme of the Universe, the Earth is but a tiny speck of dust, and the human species barely of microscopic consequence.

Yet, at the same time, we are the Universe experiencing itself. We are made of the stars, born of the sun and moon, birthed by an Earth mother that has created the perfect environment in which such a species can thrive. An environment in which we can learn, manipulate, and create through nothing more complex than a simple quiet moment in observance of nature.

It is in those silent moments that I am most grateful. Grateful for the experience becoming absolutely nothing more than a momentary microscopic breathe, on a cosmic speck of floating dust, in the vastness of a Universe I cannot even comprehend a minuscule fraction of, has granted me.

If you are reading this, it most likely granted me you.

No matter how briefly or incompletely I have loved and I have been loved. Unabashedly. Luckily. Sometimes even miserably. Only the Gods them self are able to comprehend, in one brief vision, the overall importance in such love."


On top of the vanity of the 20 pounds I vow to lose, this knowledge is what I vow to build from and upon in 2017.

To remain grateful for whatever amount of love for me exists in this world; in the hearts of those who keep me in their life, in whatever way they may choose to keep me.

To remain silent and observant to the nature of the world around me and the self that is developing within.

To attempt to paint some masterpieces worth remembering, even if they are heartbreaking, and most especially if they are love making!

To remember I am simply stardust, experiencing the Universe, as a form of life sculpted of the Mother known as Earth, guided by an invisible Father called Time; and, in spite of this travesty, I will continue to try and become more anyway!

Happy New Year!




With much love,
~TigrisSky

The Unknowns

Sat, Nov. 12th, 2016 17:55
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Marilyn Monroe Goddess)


I like it here, in the past. Where just the right song unleashes an energetic flood within. Where the ignorance of youth struts through the world carrying an invisible guarantee of future ownership. Where death is just an imagined scenario of attendance and guessing how many hearts will be broken. On good days that is. On bad days it is simply a struggle to discover reasons to bother staying. Trying to believe it is their jealousy and not your inadequacy that entices such behavior. If you were not about to be King you might just give up.

Perhaps Alzheimers will not be all that bad. Living here, if I can just keep remembering here, I can stay here. Right? Believing I am a little girl, out in the woods alone, the big bad wolf by my side and a Mighty Mouse at my beckon call. It will be beautiful. Except in the awake moments. Offered a reality of an unknown old woman staring at me in wonder. Not knowing how I got into this body, this room, surrounded by all these unknowns.

When did I end up so alien? Sitting upon this spec of dust brought to life by the eye of Apollo. I know I was born this way, not yesterday, yet I wasn't bought or sold this way. All those half baked ideas on the cover of magazines teaching me exactly what I never could be. Those were the always and never of everything I was promised I would be. If I just, if I just, if I just ... turn to dust.

All that can be afforded in a time none bare witness until some bare ignorance. Laying claim that she is in the river when we all know she is of the land. A Virgo to be precise; if you ever wonder why it is that I analyze. Everything and nothing in the lies.

To make sense of it all is, at times, the most tiring thing. Forced to predict the facts of the outcome desired. Preparing for the redemption of the choice before it is ever made. A ladies prerogative presented to enhance the darkness. Sometimes it is hit, sometimes it is miss. It all depends. Just how long can you hold your own against the antagonists hatred of self. Before reaching the moment of awaited failure certain to see your rage.

Yet maybe if I just turn the page. Or the volume up on this song and the next. I can remember riding the bus next to him. What it felt like to be Queen of the backseat with clothes on. His eyes speaking the truth of a broken heart. His lips professing such strength on his part. Letting me go.

Nowhere but here, in this moment, does it matter where I came from. You can stick tape on the ends of the cassette tape and record over it all. Playing the radio, collecting the songs you can't afford to buy. Pausing to skip the advertisements of a life never to be recorded in the history where anyone looks.

by TigrisSky
©November 12, 2016

I'm On Fire

Wed, Aug. 31st, 2016 21:26
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Marilyn Monroe Goddess)


Life.

Changing faster than an eye blinks.

Death.

Coming sooner than a virgin after first thrust.

Birth.

A constant no mathematician can equate.

The holy trinity or the aftermath of the big bang; the essence of All and all.

It is only when the collective consciousness reaches the pinnacle of this understanding that progress will become the record and history will no longer be a doomed pattern of repeat.

Until then ...

I have let go of being a doormat. Let go of the allowance given others to treat my kindness and understanding as an invitation to hold advantage over me. I have recognized that when there is not a common bond, there is no bond. While assumption of such bond makes realization of its falsity a much more painful lesson.

My greatness comes in viewing the world through the romantic eyes of poetry. Finding beautiful mystery everywhere, in everything, if only I simply look close, thorough, and, I suppose, somewhat detached enough at it all.

The only expectations are great expectations that become dictation of non-existent rules in which others fail to meet in every way. Excluding the always faithfully met expectation that everybody leaves, someday.

~TigrisSky

tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Dark Beauty)
This question could be asked in regards to my journal. Yet the hearts esoteric connection to self is what brings it into being.

I have spent the best years of my life being a part of it all; forgetting the importance of simply being me.

Since the beginning the way forward has always been lead by a continuous search for deep connection.

Waste of time.

Since the beginning the way forward has always been unwaveringly directed by a revisionist soul.

A soul obsessively devoted to love.

Such a contradictory predicament; life. Ushering you in with all the feminine strength this world can muster. Indoctrinating you with all the masculine ego this world can sell.

Every now and again a life preserver can be found keeping it all afloat. Yet if you never let go and swim; well, even salt water surrounded with sharks can feel safe if you get comfortable enough holding on.

Hold on long enough you will forget anything you ever dreamed of.

Hold on long enough you will forget how to dream.

Spend enough time drowning and eventually you won't need air to breath.

Some days I am ready to stop breathing.

Right now I try and remember how to dream ...

~TigrisSky

tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Default)
I dreamed really vivid last night, the God was there. I can't remember again what was said or h ow things happened, I only remember one part and that the God himself looked like Sean Patrick Flanery.

The God was standing behind me, we were over loking a desk. Upon the desk were the pieces of my life. I stood in front of the desk, it came up to the tops of my hips, I leaned against it and looked down. Behind me was the God, he leaned into me, wrapped around me, speaking into my ear, moving the pieces of my life and talking to me. Standing to the rigt of the desk holding open a large leather bound book was either a two headed woman figure or two woman, I understood them to be the Fates, yet there were only two of them.

At one point the God turned into a bear and my heart began pounding with fear as his weight was crushing me into the table, his clawed paws were wrapped about me inches from my neck and yet I had to stand and totally trust him. He continued speaking, pointing things out in my life, low throaty growls emanating from his bear from. The Fates seemed excited by this form, excited that I would be destroyed by this bear form. Yet I simply stood and shivered, my heart beating as if it would burst from my chest, yet my mind steadyily telling me everything would be fine and that the God meant no harm to me.

The God stayed in his bear form only for a few seconds, maybe 30 at the most and then he changed back. When he did he spun me to face him, I looked up into his eyes, pressed firmly against his body and he was smiling down at me. He said something more and then he lay on his right side, his head propped up on his arm on the floor by the table and I could tell he was opening up to me. He was relaxed with my trust in him. I lay across from him on my left side smiling at him. I don't remember any of what was said until this point.

I heard the Fates grow angry that I had not been destroyed. The wind began blowing behind me. I turned, laying flat on my back and looked at them and they were conjuring a bear from their book. There was complete anger in their eyes and voices and swirling about them. I could see the bear was going to come and destroy me.

I remember looking over at the God and saying, "please help me." To which he crawled atop me and told me to close my eyes and hold my breath and then he kissed me full force on the mouth. Everything around me went this black-blue color and went completely silent.

It stayed silent for awhile and I had this feeling of protection.

"He wants you to move!" I heard a feminine voice speak. I opened my eyes and I was in my room, only it wasn't my room like it is now, it was a room that was mine, and I looked up and a face appeared and said again, "he wants you to move." So I ducked behind my bed and in that instant the bear, a cloudy figure, rammed through the area I had just been laying at.

I closed my eyes, laying on the floor beside my bed, at the sight of it and was again in that silent blue-black area. Then I opened my eyes and was back with the God on top of me. He had stopped kissing me and was looking down at me smiling. The Fates were still standing there, but no longer were they trying to destroy me. The God smiled down at me and kissed me again, I closed my eyes and again was in the black-blue silence. I opened my eyes again quickly not wanting to leave the area were I was with the God. I was back in my room. I shut my eyes again and nothing.

I kept trying to get back by closing my eyes and in my dream I remember laying open the bed and smiling remembering as I continued trying as hard as I could to get back to that place.

~TigressSky~

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