tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Lucero)

Working! June '11
Working on my Birthday? BOO!

And normally I post this list well in advance so that people have a chance to pick up these items for me. Seeing as how I am heading out to New Orleans and will be gone for a couple weeks, I figure that posting the list now is fine, you all have two weeks to try and find these things for me! :)

Ben Nichols
Ben Nichols
Ben Nichols
Ben Nichols
Ben Nichols
Ben Nichols
Ben Nichols
Ben Nichols

Okay maybe this list is getting a tad creepy so I'll also add to it:

Jake Gyllenhaal
Ryan Reynolds
Gerard Butler
Christian Bale
Gary Lightbody
Jared Leto

And of course ...


He makes me look good you know -

Ben Nichols and I at the Crystal Ballroom - PDX - Feb '11

- and its obvious he wants to kiss me!!!

Ben Nichols and I @ Crystal Ballroom PDX - Feb '11

This list is a little more obvious than previous ones I have made so hopefully it is easier for my friends to get me what I truly want. Not to mention what I truly need!


bunny poop!

Mon, Apr. 25th, 2011 12:18
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Default)
"Those who do not welcome the future should consider this: in denying progress it is not the future that they condemn, but themselves. They are inoculating themselves with a fatal disease, the past. There is only one way of denying tomorrow, and that is to die.”
- Victor Hugo

As Easter passes, I find myself disheartened again by those "Pagans" out there who have such a vehement need to attack Xianity. This need to espouse the belief that modern Pagans follow "the old ways" and those damn Xians just stole everything is getting really old. Modern Pagans follow "the old ways" in the same way I follow "the rules". That is to say, with a basic understanding of some anthropological ideals on the debated origins of modern spiritual ideals and religious dogmas progressively changing and being utilized in society today. In short, it's all just as made up and "stolen" as Xianity itself, but thats okay because it's older so it has to be more right.

Xianity, just like modern Paganism is not "stolen" it is built - adapted and created from the same roots humans have been building spirituality from since the beginning of time. Anthropologists hold differing accounts of the practices, meanings and representations of the "the old ways" Pagans long to reconnect to. In trying to "find their way" Pagans are practicing these undefinable "old ways" in a manner that requires individualized interpretation and manipulation of the practices. What modern Pagans seem to readily forget is that these very same "old ways" are practiced and manipulated within Xianity as well - err I mean stolen and destroyed within Xianity as well.

Yes, Xians have some beliefs and practices I just cant condone and I LOVE to make fun of, yet so do Pagans. Fundamentalists exists in all sorts of practices and even the most serious of practices has it's faults and dissuasions. As well, it seems, each group has it's own level of hoity-toity "our team is better than yours" cheerleaders.

In short, whatever you believe in as it pertains to Zombie-Jesus-Bunny-Color-Pooping-Eggs-And-Candy-Day, it all came from the same place, so give those with differing views from yours a break. I mean I didn't see any of those damn thieving Xians freaking out over the Pagans celebration a few days earlier of Zombie-Mithras-Fertility-Goddess-Bird-Healing-Bunny-Mistress-Mad-As-A-Horny-March-Hare-Day. Which, I know, makes WAY more sense than the latter, but still.

tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (TigerLily Toy)
Todays star phone call - Funeral Home: "I need to get this Death Certificate sent to the Medical Examiner. See the doctor filled out the Cause of Death as Lou Gehrigs disease, and yes he had Lou Gehrigs but, I'm pretty certain it was the jump from the building that killed him."

Yes, this is my life. Welcome to it.


(no subject)

Thu, Sep. 2nd, 2010 16:26
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Naked)
Todays Fun!

Me: Im living life without rules now!
Friend: hahaha
Me: Well except for those pesky morals that is.
Friend: Morals are stupid.
Me: Yeah, whoever came up with them should be crucified.
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Beware of Dog)
Saw this add on Craigslist and just had to share.


This Cat is 12 years old. It is very cute and has a long tail, so it will look good sitting in your window while you are away!

It has two looks on its face at all times 1) surprise. 2) angry glare. It has always been vindictive and angry. It will shred your arms to the bone if picked up, so handling is not advisable. Cat will use litter box only once and then considers it soiled and will choose your chair (or elsewhere) instead. Free *1 month supply/ 5 gallon bucket of Nature's Miracle* will accompany Cat to new home. Cat hates other animals and children and people so please be an animal free and kid free and spouse/friend/roommate free home. Cat can only live with one Person. Cat hates for Person to have other people over, so you shouldn't have friends or it will pee in their purse or on their shoes. Person should be strong of mind and body and not at home much, as cat is not into interaction. Interaction with its Person makes Cat angry, and it will vomit on your pillow in retaliation.

Cat hates to be inside too long, but will not go through doors as it hates doorways. You must chase it outside with clacking salad tongs. Cat's *favorite salad tongs will be provided for free* and will accompany Cat to new home. Cat hates to be outdoors for too long as it prefers to pee, poop and vomit on your things, it likes to do this to claim its Person (this Person could be you!). Cat will come inside easily at dinnertime, no salad tongs necessary. Cat will vomit once during, and up to three times after dinner, usually on pillow, duvet, or laundry. Sometimes it will vomit in doorways. Sometimes it will just poop in these places. Other places Cat will poop: in front of refrigerator, in front of windows, near the litterbox, in front of teevee, on top of you if you are around for too long. Cat should not have access to any bathrooms as it hates bathmats and will destroy them on sight with a barrage of pee and poop and finally clawing it to shreds. Other things Cat will claw to shreds: arms, face, carpet, pillow, chair, laundry.

Cat has a loud obnoxious yowl to indicate when it is angry. The yowl is akin to that of a rabid zombie on the make and is quite terrifying, so you would be well advised to take heed and figure out what Cat wants. If you haven't cleaned the litterbox in less than an hour, check that first. It may want you to provide running drinking water from the faucet. It WILL get on the counters, you should not interfere or you WILL be sorry. If yowling occurs between the hours of Noon and 7:00 pm, it may require feeding. Cat will attack you for your food, so it is not advisable to eat in the house. If not fed what you are eating, Cat will knock the dishes off the table in retaliation and eat the shards of glass and porcelain that fall, so that you will be required to take it to the vet. It likes the attention from the vet. Cat will look sweet and pitiful at vet's office and as I said before, Cat is very cute. No one will believe when you try to tell them what Cat is capable of, so don't try. They will look at you as if you are the problem. I will understand your situation and you can call me in an emergency to talk about Cat. * 1 year of free consulting and phone support * comes with Cat. I will not be available in person for support, Cat will not like it and it will escalate situation.

Other things to be aware of with Cat. Cat has LONG hair and is prone to fur balls and the vomiting of hairy, slimy bits. This can not be helped. Cat hates any glass of drinking water to be left about and will drink from it and knock it over. You should not drink water from glasses. Cat does not like for its Person to sleep. It will walk/stand on your face with one razor sharp claw in your nostril and yowl like a zombie, so you would be well advised to stay awake and always be ready to attend to Cat. Cat weaves evil spells and makes hexes. Many do not believe this is true, but I am convinced of this fact. Cat will place spells on you while you sleep or read or watch teevee.

I think that is the bulk of the information I can provide about Cat. Cat is up to date on shots, sterilized and is physically healthy, it should live on for several more years. Please bring heavy cloth sack, a metal box or crate, face protection (I use a hockey goalie helmet) and long leather gloves when coming to pick up Cat. I will not be available to assist in transporting Cat.

Thanks for looking.

EDIT WORTHY OF NOTE: Updating ad to clarify that Cat is not abused. Cat is LOVED... from a safe distance, we are experienced animal people. You must love Cat or you will not make it long. Cat has always been uptight and has never been the subject of an abusive situation. We actively love Cat. Look how cute!! But it is hard. We do not abuse Cat with clacking tongs. Cat needs a lot of encouragement to go out, and hates when you have tongs...so free tongs for you...use them as you will. No, we didn't let Cat eat shards of glass, but Cat would eat the shards if not herded off. Cat does look cute and act innocent for vet. I really didn't expect anyone to come forward to take Cat given the extent of the disclosure I have given. Offers will be the subject of careful, but unlikely, consideration given the only people who would possibly want this Cat are going to sell the poor animal to a lab or have 100 other Cats at home. We have tried it all and consulted with consultants. The cat is 12 years old for crying out loud! We are tired. If you have the perfect situation, and you know how to deal with a Cat like this one, and you are sane, write a proposal and we will give it careful scrutiny.

For those giving free advice, please bring it on! Will welcome ideas - provided you know something of what you are talking about. Here's the skinny: Cat has been in care of current owner since kittenhood. Cat was in an apartment fire once - it was next door but, you know, chaos and trauma ensued. Cat has always been "particular" unless in the EXACT RIGHT situation, which is with ONE Person and an "always open and never closed" Cat door to outside area. Cat will not push open a flap...hates doorways. NO other pets (poops in their food bowls). And being always catered to as if in slight fear of Cat. We have 4 cat boxes, each cleaned every day, not enough for Cat. Yes, we've tried the water fountain from Sky Mall magazine, Cat hates the fountain. Cat wants a personal fresh mountain stream or a constantly running tap. Given ALL of these things consistently, Cat will occasionally cuddle with knees at bedtime and purr loudly...lest you move with the intention to do ANYTHING. Cat will then flick the tail in your face, and as I said, the tail is very long. Or Cat will pound on the bathroom door to attack the bathmat, or later in the night, your laundry (or worse). Cat is female. Cat never forgets a slight and her slights are many. She's just a weird Cat, physically healthy, gets regular checkups with vet to prove it. We have 4 other very healthy, contented and happy pets.

Thanks everyone for your concerns. Cat probably thanks you too in her way.
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Default)
Actual conversation at work.

CoWorker - I dont know that I want to add a barcode to my form.

Me - Why not?

CoWorker - This is already such a sensitive subject and people are so freaked out by barcodes.

Me - Seriously? A barcode is just a font. Saying you are scared of a Barcode is like saying you are scared of Times New Roman.


oh men...

Tue, Jan. 29th, 2008 15:56
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Default)
Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

And, as if this isnt comedy enough here are a couple of recent text messages:

Famico: Can I stay at your place.
Me: Sure.
Famico: Be warned you may come home to a naked Famico in the house.
Me: Well that will at least give me something to laugh at.
Famico: ???
Me: A naked man in my house that cant offer me any satisfaction is just a joke.
Famico: Oh comon cant you just be happy with a naked man in your house.
Me: Only if that naked man is offering me something.
Famico: What, I got to buy you a gift now?
Me: Yes Famico, get me a pony.


Night: Wow, thats the first time Ive ever been called a dirty old man.
Me: Is that a bad thing?
Night: I guess not. I mean I will be turning 38 in a few weeks and I think about sex a lot. So I guess that means Im a dirty old man.
Me: Or you are going through a mid-life crisis. Corvettes and twenty-two year olds beware!


Men make me laugh.

tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Default)

World Peace

Wouldnt this be nice?

tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Default)
The most moving reason for education reform I have seen to date:

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tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Default)
The following shouldnt be funny but ironically it is.

Many of you may know that I work in the Vital Records Department at the State (Birth, Marriage, Divorce and Death Record Processing). I have a very technical job and am not directly responsible for the records, but instead Im responsible for the system that is being developed to process these records electronically. Currently the death certificate portion of this system is up and running. So, in short, for part of my job I get tech support phone calls from funeral homes and medical offices when they have issues using the system. This requires me to look at the records from time to time. It also requires that I am throughly aware of the business processes that surround the completion of death records so I can answer questions correctly.

Today someone called and had me look at a record to see if it had been registered in the system yet. In looking at the record I saw one of the most sadly American causes of death I can think of: "aspirated hamburger while riding in a passenger car."

Sad and at the same time the irony of this made me laugh.

This person choked to death on a fast food hamburger while riding in a car. You cant die more American than that.

tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Default)
CoWorker: the age wouldn't fill in because the dob and dod was the same day and with no time... no way to calc
Me: ahhh
Me: lmao
CoWorker: thats ok... the 10 min old baby was in the military and a teacher to boot... lol
Me: Ill try and pay better attention when Im filling thongs out so quickly. lol
CoWorker: lol
CoWorker: filling thongs... wow
Me: and typing! damn thongs!
Me: hahahah


(no subject)

Tue, Jul. 31st, 2007 08:58
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Default)

Seadog Nights ~ Pirate Ship
Seadog Nights ~ Pirate Ship

I dont really know where to begin or if I should begin at all. There was so much that happened at the pirate fesitival. It was full of piratey goodness!

piratey goodness )

All and all it was the most fun Ive ever had at a festival in my life. Would love to have more of the Pagans I hang out with come be a Pirate with me. We have a Captain, and a First Mate and our ship is The Black Drool, come on, how can you resist?


tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Beware of Dog)
Co-Worker: Are those periods after the names or commas?
Me: Yeah I have no idea what you are talking about.
Me: Oh wait commas
Me: I just figured it out
Me: lol
Co-Worker: What you need context or something?
Me: Well obviously not, I mean I got it eventually.
Me: I mean context is such a waste of time I keep trying to get the Project Manager to figure that out.
Me: hehehehe
Co-Worker: Oh you just fell off that pedestal I had you on.
Me: That wasnt a pedestal that was a stick up my butt - Im a puppet!
Me: I dont think I should have just typed that phrase out.
Me: lol
Co-Worker: hahahahha
Co-Worker: Im laughing so hard I have tears.



pee pee

Mon, Jul. 16th, 2007 18:59
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Shrek WTF?)
So, yesterday while out on a date NewYork calls me - (FYI NewYork is now renting some small room and not living with me, yet most of his stuff still remains here so he still has a key) - normally I turn my phone off when out with someone but I had forgot. Not wanting to look like a jerk who wont answer I did. NewYork has a big favor to ask of me.

"Whats that?"

"Can HotRunnerBoy and I borrow your shower?"

"You guys are showering together? You going to film it?"

"No. See we have this girl we are out with and she wants us to pee on her."

"What? Are you serious?"

"Yeah. Dead serious."


"We will scrub it out for you after."

"Okay on two conditions you scrub out my shower and you NEVER talk to this girl again."

"Okay deal."

So, imagine being my date and hearing just one side of the conversation:

"Whats that?"

"You guys are showering together? You going to film it?"

"What? Are you serious?"


"Okay on two conditions you scrub out my shower and you NEVER talk to this girl again."

So, naturally LightBoy (thats the dates nickname) says, "man I dont think I really want to know what that was about." Naturally I tell him and he is just shocked. "You are letting them use your shower?"

So, I proceed to go on my rant about how these two guys have destroyed my faith in society and women in general. How could women have such little self-esteem that they would do whatever a guy wanted just to try and get them? More importantly, man wise, how could someone do something knowingly demeaning and take advantage of someone like that?

LightBoy looks at me dead pan and says, "Id be honored if you'd pee on me."

I stop in my tracks. My jaw hits the floor. I lose my train of thought and ability to speak and then LightBoy cracks up.

"I was just joking but seriously maybe this girl likes this. Maybe she gets off on it. How can you really know?"

Yeah. He got me there.

So, today at working we are having a long ass meeting about the system that deals with Amendment Types and the different statuses they can be put in which are, Keyed, Pending and Exist. So, we start discussing how the system works. I explain that Keyed and Pending show up as one listing in the Status bar and that is Pending. That the Keyed Status never shows in the Status bar.

Someone starts saying something to the contrary and I say, passionately and forcefully while combining the words Keyed and Pending on my tongue, "no it is only PEED!"

My brain halts on forward momentum and I start cracking up as my brain whispers, "umm you just said Peed". Everyone laughs a bit, but not as much as Sandra and KC whom I had told the shower pee story too earlier that day.

Yeah. What a theme.

tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Hobbes)
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Tue, May. 15th, 2007 14:25
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Default)
me: I gots Anchorman and Aeon Flux coming to me to watch this week

fwap: does Anchorman look like Will Ferrell?

me: what? Anchorman is WilL Ferrel lol
not people with nicknames
the movies
man I gotta stop nicknaming people

fwap: lmao
I thought you had new peeps coming to watch at karaoke
I'm thinking Aeon Flux must be some hot chick

me: lmfao
man that was good stuff

fwap: don't EVER stop nicknaming people!
it's awesome!
poor Lumberjack

me: lmao
yeah thats the worst nickname I ever came up with

fwap: but appopriate
and what would we have done without Ron Jeremy, Hyde, Wolverine and the Wolfman?

me: we would have had a "fashionable fight with all the finest people attending"


(no subject)

Thu, Apr. 6th, 2006 12:07
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Default)

American McGee's - Alice in Wonderland American McGee's - Alice in Wonderland

True Friendship
Are you tired of those sissy-ass "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises of true friendship:

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
3. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
4. When you smile -- I will know you finally got lucky.
5. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
6. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
7. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
8. When you fall -- I will point at you and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath I pledge to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".

tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Default)
So, I am very good with being open and free thinking and just blurting things out and then remembering, "you are at work and although that was okay to say in your head it is not so appropriat for work." *grins*

A few quick examples:

1. The vendor creating the software we were using was visiting for a week to offer us onsite support with our User Analysis Training (UAT). I am in fact the one who is doing most of the defect tracking and logging. Rusty, one of the vendors who is just a few feet and some looks shy of being a duplicate of my husband, says to me as I stand with my team getting ready to head into a meeting, "I need to talk with you for about an hour sometime today about tracking the defects," to which I promptly say, "oh great so after this meeting I'm getting spanked."

2. There are a lot of bugs with the current software and we aren't positive how a couple of the sections will even operate at this point. My co-worker who is the training coordinator has to come up with a work flow analysis and lead it to teach our internal employees how they will use the system and how their work will change. Well, it's a little impossible to do that since we don't even know fully how the system will run. I say to her, "you have to just create a CYA work flow and document in their clearly that you are really covering your ass." She agrees we go about our business. A few days later we have a meeting were the Project Manager says, "I know that a lot of work we need down now is complicated by the fact we aren't confident if the system will run how we need it to or not but just do your best and get what you can to us assuming it will." I promptly reply with, "yeah gotta make sure everything we write has the CYA covered in it."

3. Talking about print rules with our visiting vendors during UAT Rusty and Paul. I explain that when printing amendments to the record the new systems address catergories are too many and we need a rule that combines them all into one and just prints the word Address on the form. Currently the system breaks the address down into the following catergories:
Street Number ie 800
Pre-Directional ie NE
Street Name ie Oregon
Post Directional ie SW
Suite/Apy ie #225
"Can't you just have it print an abbreviation, like P.Dir?" asks Rusty. I hold up the Death Certficate point at the page and say, "there is no PETER (ie P. Dir sounded out) on this page." (This one was an accident though and not necessarily my inablity to control my mouth.)

4. This past week we had Rusty and Matt out for internal training and technical support. During a demo of the next installment we will be working on, Birth, we see that they collect STD information on the mother for statistical reasons. Matt, Sandra and I are in the back of the room and we are always silly together anyway. We get to this page and Matt says, "oh man I bet when those tests come back positive during pregnancy a lot of divorces happen." To which Sandra and I say, "yeah but it would be the husbands fault." Matt says, "yeah thats what I meant, I mean what would you do?" Both Sandra and I agree this would lead to divorce for us. Then I bring up Denise Richards, Charlie "Man-Whore" Sheens wife, and the fact that the tabloids are reporting that she is undergoing HIV testing do to Charliee whoring around. Matt says, "yeah but he has that sex disease." I'm like, "nymphomania?" He's like yes. "Well so do I," I blurt-out.

So, as you can see I tend to speak first and realize that I am not in an open free-thinking area later. *grin*

Regarding the Nymphomanic comment. In my head I quite honestly thought I was making a good point. By nature we are ALL nymphomaniacs. Saying you are addicted to sex is like saying you need air to breath and us saying, "oh so thats why he stole that old mans oxygen mask, its okay then, he needed air." When you decide to committ and be monogamous then you are bound by your honor to do so. Of course you are still a nympho dumb ass, it's naturally inherent in the human species to not be monogamous. Yet you have told this person who you are committing to you will be monogamous for them. There for you no longer have the excuse of, "Im a nympho hunny, sorry, nothing I can do about it." Because quiet obviously there is, you can say no tard-nuts. You can't blame nymphomania for your inablity to control your actions. In life those are the ONLY things you have control over, your actions.

This is not to say I don't understand the temptations, oh I so do. But holy-fuck, if you are going to cheat after taking an oathe not to then you better fucking well be prepared to live with the consequences of your actions.



tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Default)

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