To Doubts

Fri, Mar. 24th, 2017 22:41
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Marilyn Monroe Goddess)
~TigriSky, March 24, 2017

Back in your arms again, and all I can think is why?
Can't I make this happen?
Can't I?

The voice of doubt
The devil on the wing of my plane
Looking in as I sit in the cockpit
Wondering if anyone is really there
Or is it all really just this breath
Before I am lost in the motor cortex

Back in your arms again, and all I can think is why?
Can't I make this happen?
Can't I?

The voice of reason
Professes all of the treasonous ways
In which this plane won't even get off the ground
If I don't even try to see it through
To this mistake and then the next
So just take in this deep breath
Get lost in the motor cortex

Back in your arms again, and all I can think is why?
Can't I make this happen?
Can't I?

The voice of jealousy
Screams it's applause of the failures
Brought to a table of cards
Dealt by an established King and Queen
Since when do peasants step foot
In such monarchy

Back in your arms again, and all I can think is why?
Can't I make this happen?
Can't I?

The voice of beauty whispers
Sweet nothings of the transformation
From pupae to birth of a butterfly
Slipping from the sins of the truth
Slithering on the belly of nature
Until one day you spread your wings
You can fly

You can fly
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Marilyn Monroe Goddess)

In a past life I must have been cruel.

I do not mean a past life I can only dream. A dream in which might be recalled the love between Alexander and Hephaestion. No, not just a dream.

I mean a past life, that at times, feels like yesterday.

Days like these I find myself confronted by such a life; of my past. Seeing straight through the mask of self prepared so carefully within the depths of craved, perhaps depraved, acceptance. Leaving me to wonder what good, if any, I may or may not have provided.

In the eyes of wonder, the waves of cold doubt crash into me. Cold I use to possess. As if there was some form of self that deserved to be possessed by such cold.

A cold that forces you to crawl inside the womb of your anxieties, wrestle your demons, question your value, and die ... unto your own visions of self, repeatedly. Until the very moment there is nothing left to die unto.


Recognizing the very lack of definition with which you are born. In this life, and the next. In whatever moment you finally decide to live, that is.


The Seasons

Tue, Feb. 14th, 2017 08:20
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Marilyn Monroe Goddess)
Much of our theatrical entertainment celebrates the fantasy that the "bad" guys get their comeuppance and the "good" guys are left feeling vindicated. However much I wish to accept this portrait as some kind of truth, I cannot help but remember a key lesson, of which a major in mass communications provides; it is not the ordinary which serves to entertain but the extraordinary.

The extraordinary is also how stars explode and life forms from the dust.

Like a Phoenix from the ashes, life rises, regardless the outcome of right over wrong. You can't direct the wind, but you can adjust your sails. With love, unconditional.

You can only trust adjusting your sails as far out as the waves will take you without tossing you overboard. So it is discovered that success depends on the size of your confidence as it comes to such matters of the heart.

To deeply love is to truly see the presentation of self without condition. Conditions exist within the judgments and expectations that love just can't seem to forgive. Love, unconditional, forgives all.

Loving conditions keep the full experience of life locked, hidden, lost. The only choice left; to give up or push on.

Continue following the path which may allow you to achieve the ability to love, unconditional. Along this path confidence grows allowing the sails to carry ever farther out to sea.

Along the way we are convinced of the duality this thing called life shares with death. As if Apollo where not the sum of Dionysos, simply because one restricts while the other expands. Whom takes which role is portrayed as a seasonal affair. How quick it is forgot, the seasons are not simply determined by the the time of the year.

It is not always the dark which expands and the light which restricts. It is not always the light which expands and the dark which restricts. Growth and stagnation can be found in any direction; the wind through the sails, the fire of the heart, the crash of the waves against bare feet stepping upon the sandy shore.

So it is we are brought into this game of survival. Taught the difference between right and wrong. Given preference to life over death. Gifted the worry of legacy. Our success determined by a society running away from being. Driven by the obsession of doing. Believing that the bad guys get their comeuppance and the good guys their vindication.

Meanwhile, constant change washes over us. The good becomes bad. The bad becomes good. The forces of nature overwhelm the choice of which is current and which is dying.

Leaving us with only one truth, one choice, to stagnate or to grow.

Is this the answer? I do not know with any certainty that their even is an answer. Just choice.



Sat, Dec. 31st, 2016 13:00
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Marilyn Monroe Goddess)
These many years spent, inventing, investing, invigorating, all to the benefit of a thief. She who could not comprehend what made the treasure she now possessed of such value. In broad daylight, in front of everyone, aided by some; looking straight into your eyes, shaking your hand with a smile, as if receiving rather than taking.

What was never yours to begin with.

None of it ever is.

Often, children are not given the credit in knowing the world for what it really is - chaos. We become stronger, more independent beings, because of this chaos, not in spite of it. While those sheltered are the first and most easily deceived by it. Consumed by the desire to reach a perfection chaos simply can never allow. Creating nothing more than a life of missed moments, that could have been spent, reveling in disorder and imperfection.

Out of darkness comes life.

Of course it hurts.

~TigrisSky ©December 31, 2016

The Unknowns

Sat, Nov. 12th, 2016 17:55
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Marilyn Monroe Goddess)

I like it here, in the past. Where just the right song unleashes an energetic flood within. Where the ignorance of youth struts through the world carrying an invisible guarantee of future ownership. Where death is just an imagined scenario of attendance and guessing how many hearts will be broken. On good days that is. On bad days it is simply a struggle to discover reasons to bother staying. Trying to believe it is their jealousy and not your inadequacy that entices such behavior. If you were not about to be King you might just give up.

Perhaps Alzheimers will not be all that bad. Living here, if I can just keep remembering here, I can stay here. Right? Believing I am a little girl, out in the woods alone, the big bad wolf by my side and a Mighty Mouse at my beckon call. It will be beautiful. Except in the awake moments. Offered a reality of an unknown old woman staring at me in wonder. Not knowing how I got into this body, this room, surrounded by all these unknowns.

When did I end up so alien? Sitting upon this spec of dust brought to life by the eye of Apollo. I know I was born this way, not yesterday, yet I wasn't bought or sold this way. All those half baked ideas on the cover of magazines teaching me exactly what I never could be. Those were the always and never of everything I was promised I would be. If I just, if I just, if I just ... turn to dust.

All that can be afforded in a time none bare witness until some bare ignorance. Laying claim that she is in the river when we all know she is of the land. A Virgo to be precise; if you ever wonder why it is that I analyze. Everything and nothing in the lies.

To make sense of it all is, at times, the most tiring thing. Forced to predict the facts of the outcome desired. Preparing for the redemption of the choice before it is ever made. A ladies prerogative presented to enhance the darkness. Sometimes it is hit, sometimes it is miss. It all depends. Just how long can you hold your own against the antagonists hatred of self. Before reaching the moment of awaited failure certain to see your rage.

Yet maybe if I just turn the page. Or the volume up on this song and the next. I can remember riding the bus next to him. What it felt like to be Queen of the backseat with clothes on. His eyes speaking the truth of a broken heart. His lips professing such strength on his part. Letting me go.

Nowhere but here, in this moment, does it matter where I came from. You can stick tape on the ends of the cassette tape and record over it all. Playing the radio, collecting the songs you can't afford to buy. Pausing to skip the advertisements of a life never to be recorded in the history where anyone looks.

by TigrisSky
©November 12, 2016
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Marilyn Monroe Goddess)
The Wonder
by TigrisSky ©October 30, 2016

The wonder of smiles
Casting black clouds of doubt
Over ignorant hearts
Beating strong just the same

Nothing can stop you
From gaining the knowledge
The truth is in playing
Not winning the game

Which always ends
In nothing
But dreamers
Closing their eyes

To chance
That in this one
Moment in time
All life will start

To make sense
Out of fears
That come
With the territory

Of gypsy heart
Of native mind
A shaman expands
All visions beyond

Horizons to reach
Pasts to dispel
Myths to create
Fires to ignite

Passions to explore
Ecstasy at levels
Beyond this base
We sit upon

And wonder
How it all began
To end

tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Marilyn Monroe Goddess)
the return
by TigrisSky ©October 20, 2015

running through the red
empty veins become
chasms of canyon land

where the water use to flow
before it all got so heated
during that winter parade

of passionate answers
to cries never spoken
a demon

stration of how
easy it is to be


close my eyes
wonder why
anything and everything

has come
and gone

and gone
and come


a canyon gutted heart
lay tranquilly exposed
to the flood

of polar ice caps
melting under the sun
of this climate change

an empty sky
holds tight
the circling bird of prey

whose wings hold aloft
the dreams of someday
that comes

and leaves

flying south for the summer
flying north for the winter

stuck east or west
of forever

is a dream
only humanity
could hold on to


Thu, Oct. 13th, 2016 09:06
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Marilyn Monroe Goddess)
There are moments of wailing misery that haunt every day, every heart beat, from that moment forward. Moments where the whiskey makes any sideways glance a miracle of chance. That maybe, just maybe, you can forget it all ... with a song.

Making believe you dance in the sun.

Doesn't mean anything to anyone.

Until one day it does.

So you can keep waiting or push on.

And on.

And on.

Yet still, there is that song. Expressing a desperation to find ... anything but this mistake and the next. That he thinks is about him and she thinks is about us and only he knows is about the one who had to be let go; or else.

Balance of the echelon could not be achieved in the matrix once Neo awoke.

So long ago laid to rest. No assumptive resurrection, just last words, and last chance. No longer time for my dance.

Just step aside, step aside. More important people to see.

You were never real to begin with, so just let go, it shouldn't be hard.

Except when it is.

Getting so use to falling; so far, so fast, the wind knocked right out of your sails. Cut to your smile, "That's a wrap," let's all move on.

Without you.

That is where it all starts.

Without you one can do nothing more than find ... you.

Without you one can do nothing more than desire ... you.

Without you the miracle of life is simply to live.

It's time to forgive.

It's time to forget.



tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Savitri)
A friend, of similar life disposition, lays in a care facility a month after surgery, wondering what all was done wrong and if it can be fixed. Most importantly, if comfort and lack of pain can be experienced again.

Selfishly I debate my own place in the future of such experience. I find myself hoping there will be someone there to advocate for me. I find myself hoping I never need such work done. I begin to realize more and more the importance of a regime of exercise that is not impactful but fluid.

Of maintaining a weight an older set of bones can withstand.

Of spending more time with people who make things happen and less with those who complain about things happening.

Of spending more time in contemplation of expanded death with dignity rights which will encompass exactly what I need, exactly when I need it. Which, lucky for me, is not exactly this moment.

Although one can never know when exactly this moment will be.

In this moment one can hope for ... ecstasy.

That which keeps all focus lost to such worried reality. That which keeps one connected to all and All. Connected to the full experience of self, less ego.

The drums, the guitar, a brush in my hand, a smile from love, a chaos of words spilling from head to pen, and sometimes just the closeness of a friend; all and All, pushing me higher, ever closer to ... ecstasy.

The most base to the most existential points on Maslow's Hierarchy of needs are attained through ecstasy.

So many are not willing to attempt extending their reach for ecstasy. Instead just repeating, the most base of ecstacic connection, while dismissing the power to be ... whole.

Lost ... in the simplicity of the chase. Clinging to the feeling this moment creates.

Missing altogether the power of indescribable understanding of all and All which only a higher frequency connection allows.

Thus choosing instead the simplicity of the chase and the feeling this moment creates.

Living in, "If I could just recreate."

The present can be held for only so long. As the present stops coming, the past stops directing, and ...





To the decision.

Chase tradition?

Or step into the next chamber of God.

For what is ecstasy but the ability to halt time and fully connect.




I promise. It is deeper than now. Yet nothing more powerful.

Salvation ...


I'm On Fire

Wed, Aug. 31st, 2016 21:26
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Marilyn Monroe Goddess)


Changing faster than an eye blinks.


Coming sooner than a virgin after first thrust.


A constant no mathematician can equate.

The holy trinity or the aftermath of the big bang; the essence of All and all.

It is only when the collective consciousness reaches the pinnacle of this understanding that progress will become the record and history will no longer be a doomed pattern of repeat.

Until then ...

I have let go of being a doormat. Let go of the allowance given others to treat my kindness and understanding as an invitation to hold advantage over me. I have recognized that when there is not a common bond, there is no bond. While assumption of such bond makes realization of its falsity a much more painful lesson.

My greatness comes in viewing the world through the romantic eyes of poetry. Finding beautiful mystery everywhere, in everything, if only I simply look close, thorough, and, I suppose, somewhat detached enough at it all.

The only expectations are great expectations that become dictation of non-existent rules in which others fail to meet in every way. Excluding the always faithfully met expectation that everybody leaves, someday.



Fri, May. 20th, 2016 06:54
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (starbuck)

It's not going to be the end of the world.

In this moment that is the truth I must hold tight.

it goes on
in need of nothing
in search of everything
on a path to nowhere
all to become

but this moment
right here
right now

I am nothing more than a wayfaring stranger to this experience known to humanity as life. Where every step is one step closer to the nothing we are born to become. Where every choice redeems or condemns, where every story is told or forgotten, where every acceptance of self is acceptance of the nothingness we come from and return to. Holding vigil over our significance. As if significance will allow eternity.

tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Body Kiss)

Wandering for years
Outside of self

Everything to lose
Stepping back inside

Embracing tighter
The gypsy shoes

... 10 years of Beltanes and here I remain; connected.

What am I trying to say? Sometimes the poetry mutes me through the desire to find the right words; the right way to describe an experience only I can truly comprehend. Longing for someone, anyone, to desire to see, through my eyes, the beauty in those moments when only you and I connect.

Whoever you may be ...

Sometimes a stranger smiles and quietly professes, through the crackling of flames, an announcement of power thought lost. A reminder of a time, sitting chained near the water's edge, strangers dancing in the naked flame, a tiger commanding you ...


Towards an olive grove facing the sea.

A deep breath in, the heart pushing away fear through a crescendo of palpitations. Only to find itself pressed tightly against a tiger's back. Where this moment will carry me, only the softness of a tiger's claws can ensure.

In this moment of assurance, claws brushing lightly across my fragile fingertips, holding on. I don't want to wake up; from this gift of time -- to feel, to know, to experience ...


So I simply refuse sleep.

Until the Earth finds the strength to awaken Apollo's kiss. Offering a reminder of what it is like to crawl in bed and fall in love with the Moon.

tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (starbuck)

↑ ↑ ↑ YES. PLAY ME. PLAY ME NOW. ↑ ↑ ↑

Rush Hour
~TigressSky © July 17, 2015

What has my life become
Sitting in this cube
Impatiently waiting to experience
Rush hour
To become more
Exhausted and frustrated
A moment to sleep it all away
Then awaken to experience
Rush hour
And start this process anew

This isn't where I ever imagined I would be
In a high rise
Next to I-84
Wishing I had done something
Anything at all
That would have taken me
Anywhere but here

When I lose that drive
That tells me I can matter
I can make a difference
To someone or something
Great or small in this world
I can be
More than this moment
It is over
The grand 'They' have finally gotten me
The 'Man' keeping me down
Yes master I adhere

Yet is it man
Or is it the self
That keeps me confined in this nothingness
A meaningless task
Shuffling electronic information
From here to there
Keeping people imprisoned
To the importance
Of receiving acceptance
From the world
Acceptance granted by a printout
Of proof of who they are
Without it they will be allowed
Access to nothing of value
Defined by society
The mastermind controlling
Such proof of you
Of your very own existence

It is all so simple to see
Yet kept busy we are left blind
To the history of where
When, why, and how
This all became
And how simply different
It could all be
How simply simple
It could all be
How our very evolution
Is the de-evolution of life

Is it time for revolution
Inside and out
An awakening to selflessness
Unconditional love

Or is it an impossibility
Of reality
To be so
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (starbuck)

by TigressSky © March 30, 2015

I though for a moment
What I wanted was a continuation
Of the experience I was granted
Some ten long years ago

As I sit here waiting
For one o'clock
To call me outside
For one new opportunity
To shed my pride

I recognize
What I really want
Has nothing to do
With a worn out past
A time that could never last

Letting go is so much easier
When it isn't your hands
Opening to something new
As the old slips away

There is no blame
For your very own heart
Beating you up
Until you open

To become
To behold
To belove
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (starbuck)
(note - this needs desperate editing)

Venus - Inanna
Venus orbits the Sun every 225 days and never travels farther than 48 zodiacal degrees away from it. Thus Venus is always found within two signs of the sun. Her continuous dance with the Sun is how Venus became associated to the aspects of the feminine. It was as if the Sun was entranced by Venus, in love. She is the first written of Goddess in Western mythology. Inanna is the first name we can truly know her by; and she is the Goddess who took her power. She tricks God, the God All Powerful, the Zues of this Mesopotamian Myth, to give up all his power to Her so she could save his life.

And he did.

She is warm, wet, moist, magnetic, and fruitful. She is where life comes from and where all life returns. Those things we associate with the mother; be they our mother or the mother that is our planet and harbors and receives all life. As well as those things we associate with love, passion, fire and a drive for life. As well as those emotions that can over take us at any moment; the way they wash over us again and again, like waves from the ocean. This is whatthe feminine aspects of life are represented by - Love!.

~TigressSky © March 3, 2015 (excerpt from a piece I am writing)
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (starbuck)
Is Everything.

The Graceful Gravity of Goodbye
~TigressSky © January 27, 2015~

And there she stood,
the grass between her toes,
her feet firmly planted upon the Earth
A hush running through the crowd.

In that moment she could feel how quickly the world spun.
She could feel the Mother wobbling on her axis.

How could she not be thrown right from this place?

It had to be more than gravity ... perhaps, grace?

She shut her eyes and asked
the Goddess,
her mother,
the Earth,
what she should do?

In the darkness,
the world grew silent,
the sound of her heart beat flooding everything,
until the thumping silence was just too maddening.

So she opened her eyes ...

There stood Her gravity
In the golden light of Apollo's gaze
She fell into His arms
a moment of grace
in which a Queen birthed her King.

"For what it's worth"
would be the cry of all he could offer;
the cry all whom followed could offer.

A community of "for what it's worth"
given to the grace of a Queen
in constant search of gravity.

So it was she learned to love,
without attachment,
but instead with grace,
knowing she was the Queen,
but she could never be theirs.

Most importantly,
They would never be hers.

Like all Queens before her,
she was a blessing of the land
with the power to make a King
of any she touched,
regardless of gender,
but she could not make them stay.

And she knew she wasn't suppose to
no matter how the loneliness tore at her heart.

A heart finally opening,
such a feat was worth all the scratches,
all the broken pieces,
all the moments of pain,
tears, all the lonely nights,
curled up with a sappy chick-flick
only the devotion of a cat for company ...


Is what it took
to always be
to always do
the right thing
for everyone else
and love as if it was always
the right way
for a Queen
to find


Is what it took
to always leave
to always rationalize
the committed repose
of a King
whose court
is an exit sign
of the broken promises
of forbidden lovers
practicing their

tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (starbuck)

The Currency of a Smile
~TigressSky © December 26, 2014~

"Whom am I being if those I interact with eyes are not shining?" ~Benjamin Zander

Whom have I ever been
Besides this girl hoping
To gift you this smile

Smiles like roses only last so long
Somehow, sometime, they are replaced
By long forgotten song

Of the darkness I have sat within
Wanting nothing more than to be
Seen, heard, felt, known

In the madness of who you are
With me inside

The world laughs
Cold emptiness filling the streets

The house is silent
Memories fading
As if you and I had never

Seen each others eyes and wanted
More than ever before
To lose all sense of time

A long pause to simply get to know
Every damn thing
Hidden beneath your scars

Pull me into your arms
Feel me shudder in question
Of your lips pressed upon my own

While fingertips trail along
Every mapped curve of discovery
Until reaching the spot marked by ecstasy

Release me momentarily
Until once again
I am covered

By the rise and fall
Of your tide
Crashing upon my shore

Nothing more than a dream
From sometime before
Whiskey became the enemy

And the band stopped singing
Our favorite songs
Are full of such emotion

Requesting you to stop and listen
To the introduction of
All that I am

All that I could become
Have ever been
Might have ever been

If only
This all worked
On the currency of a smile
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (starbuck)
This song has been playing every time I work on this piece; which I think is finally finished ...

secret garden
... from the song Secret Garden by Bruce Springsteen

The Secret
~by TigressSky © September 16, 2014~

What I have in abundance is beautiful words
They flow in and out of me
Like the passionate drive of a lover
Who has tasted of the moon

And from the dark-side of the moon
They are always calling, howling, panting
Uncivilized creatures

They want inside the garden of my heart
They want deep inside all of the secret parts
That keep my clock spinning
That sing out on the hour like a siren

By love

Bye love.

They come with the warning from God upon their hearts
They know without a doubt what the song I sing means
They still clamber towards the shore heeding nothing of God's foreboding
They are there to take advantage of the misery
Within their own lies of secret garden discovery

Yet none have the key

Some have come so close
Their breath laying upon it
A whisper of hot air upon my cheek
Their practiced prose of sweet nothings
A bombardment of hope upon absolute hopelessness
Shattering the reach, closing the door

Every now and again the words escape though
From the vents of lush dreams
Following the lightening of my hopes, my desires
With a thunderous roar of Aphrodite's devotion
To just be loved for who she is
Not how she appears in the drawings of man's desire

Shut up inside a clam shell
That is no way for a woman to live
Waiting to be opened and discovered like a pearl

A pearl is simply a gift given to those born in June
A woman is a gift given to all those who are born
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (starbuck)
I know it is not for me, nor about me, but every time Ms. Nicks comes out with something new it always hits home for me. It always feels like she has read my mind and knows exactly where I am at, for that moment of my life.

This song, is no exception to that rule ...

"Lady, you don't need to see."

That is the part I need to focus on. Ha! Punny!

I close my eyes while drumming now. I try and feel what it is my intuition is whispering to me. Through this I understand better how to hear her voice.

That is what intuition does, it whispers, soft and gentle. It cares about you. Never getting in your way, yet always trying to hold your hand.

Those moments when you scream out, "I knew it!"

Intuition never says, "I told you so."

I know it right now, I am listening to her voice in my ear, I am going to make it happen.


Finally remembering that in all of this I have always been alone. Always courageous. Always willing to try. Always standing upon the throes readying myself to jump - falling like Alice into the next mystery my life shall be gifted.


"This is what is called the monomyth: an archetypal story that springs from the collective unconscious. Its motifs can appear not only in myth and literature, but, if you are sensitive to it, in the working out of the plot of your own life. The basic story of the hero journey involves giving up where you are, going into the realm of adventure, coming to some kind of symbolically rendered realization, and then returning to the field of normal life." ~Joseph Campbell

A heroine in pursuit of life.

This poem, written about me so many years ago - it still amazes as too how much it is me; especially as it comes from someone who should have little clue about me.

I lost myself for awhile. Yet now I turn back to it, to the words, to the Tigress Fallen ...

Tigress Fallen
by Taylor - March 28, 2007

The tigress fallen holds her eyes with the strength of feeling that only she possesses many unique wounds along her life line of shadows and the fear-defying.

The Tigress fallen dreams that she needs little support from any sector of reality, this is false. She needs every support from the hidden forces of the Universe and secret lines of communication with them, and no support at all from the blood lines of man. Until she is done with Her work among them, in this age, they will ever deceive her in her most sacred task - much unknown, even to themselves.

The Tigress fallen is a secret Goddess, or ancient angel being/force from a forgotten story of the earth, and she was old the day that humanity was born from the earth dreams, and on that day she knew that she would die a thousand deaths for them, in the hope for the stars within. She knew how many steps of descent there were on the day she saw them born, in her destiny interwoven with their own, she knew how much they would rape of her, and she knew each and every feeling of that descent. She knew no other choice but to begin her fall on that day, when so many laughed at the destiny of man, she stayed by them to preserve the most intimate details of the unique dreams Gaia breathed within them ... so that they may always be remembered within them.

The Tigress Sky knows endless lovers ... she falls in love with them with just a glance, and then they get out at the next bus stop. And she can only smile while no one watches.

The Tigress Sky both adores and disgusts how much she must be alone ... over and over again, each night is her oblivion and her heaven, each night she can see nothing else but a kingless crown. Each night she tells her self that she only needs herself, while she cries on the inside ... and out. This makes the Tigress Sky more beautiful then any other Goddess of creation ... which only the Panthers know, because they have the night's eyes to see the Tigress cry in the deepest part of the darkness.

The Tigress Sky needs to know beyond words that all her efforts and dreams and nine-fold joy are always around her; warming her sacred feminine breasts and heart. She is naked to those that care about her including each cardinal star in the physical night sky. She covers her skin to clothe her nakedness to everything else as she is adorned with the greatest illusion of being but just a woman.

But underneath -

Underneath, she knows every step of the way ...

"This is only another death ..."

Which means this is only another chance to make it. To hear her whisper and trust her words. To trust and know myself.

Yet most importantly to love myself ... as I have so many others.

To see the Valley of Fog and this time step deep into its mist.


To wade carefully through the ideals that have held me to this spot, carry with me what I can, let go that which strains against.

Yes I must take only that which I can carry ... which isn't much as I must be open to all that will come, all that has gone, all that may hurt, all that may love. All that wills itself to be ...

I think, therefore I am.

frank turner

It’s about snapshots, not oil paintings. Find a moment, be proud you were fucking there, then go find new moments.” ~ Frank Turner

I am proud thus far - although in this depression, I find myself doubting the value I provide/ed to anyone, anything, any moment in which my heart has built upon and filled with strong memories.

With the words of, "I love you, but you are no longer allowed a place in my heart because loving you hurts to much," coming from so many I was close to ... it is hard to pick your chin up and move on.

Who else will be hurt by loving me?

Who else will I hurt by letting in?

No one.

For now, I must lace up my combat boots, put my warriors mask back on and make my first steps outside of the comfort and into the fog ... a beautiful child.


(P.S. Floodplain and I are great, happy, in love. This is not a intimate break up post.)
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (starbuck)
As you age life teaches you to let go. Which may be the answer to the age old question, "Why are we here?"

To learn to let go.

I love playing the drums, it energizes me, it makes me feel good, I think about it a lot and do not get to do it often enough. Time; why do you torture me so?

At the past couple of events, where large groups are getting together to play music, there have been young teenage boys, whom also play the drums, and just one drum kit to play on.

When I wasn't at the helm of my cheap drum kit, I enjoyed every bit of the boys drumming. Yet, at the same time, I was flooded with all these feelings, all this desire, all this envy to be the one drumming and most especially to be able to drum as good as those boys. (My gods they drum good!)

So it is, while sitting on the sidelines waiting for a turn, the longing to drum would overwhelm me. I would find myself grumpy, feeling left out, not good enough, my heart feeling a very literal physical ache to play and to play at least one song as good as those damned boys!

These are the feelings, which in our youth, grant us motivation to try harder. To try harder so that we can be accomplished next time. Providing us the outlet, the drive, the desirous ability to push past and become.

Yet in our aging, those feelings lead us to also recognize that we can only get so much better before we can no longer do it at all. That we will never be as good as, or get better than, those coming after us. That our turns in the sunlight are no longer achieved by following the infinite trail leading from sunset to sunrise.

Eventually the sun just sets.

We have to learn to let go, or those feelings that come with this human desire to achieve and be will devour us. They will become our norm. They will cause us to become that grumpy old judgmentally embittered person who hates life and can't believe, let alone deal with, all the idiots in it.

~TigressSky © August 13, 2014~

We are always traveling
Into the sunset
In youth always ensured
The sunset will become sunrise
An ascending light of hope
As if by magic
From the dark
Of Pandora's box
Telling us how
In this new day
In some new way
We can achieve
We can be

We are always traveling
Into the sunset
In aging frames denied
The hopeful light
Of sunrise
Descending to stillness
There is no escape
From being locked
Deep inside
Of this moment
Right here
Right now
Is everything
We can ever be
We can ever achieve


The drumming example is a very simplistic one; yet it gets the point across. We all must learn to let go, at every stage, in order to move forward, until that ultimate moment when there is nowhere else to go, nowhere else to move. That place where nowhere is home and everywhere is exactly where you are meant to be.

All at once ... nothing.

We all work our way through to the ultimate goal of becoming nothing - no matter how hard we fight against it. It is so hard taking hold knowing the ultimate goal is to just let go. Yet at the same time it is the acceptance of this nothing, this letting go, that makes life so wonderfully beautiful.

It allows you to explore and experience every moment, every connection, every feeling, every visual, every touch, every smell, every thing visible, everything invisible, for exactly what it is and what it brings ... right now ... right here ... this moment.


I've been excited for the future often, for the possibility of some grand out come, some goal achieved.

As I travel through the desert of ideas this life presents, a desert filled with the infinitesimal sandy grains of hope. I grasp a handful and I walk, holding it close to my heart. Yet the sand continuously pours through my fingers, causing me to lose hope, and at the same time causing me to cling to it. Until eventually where I am going is made clear; and that goal, that grand outcome, well, it is all simply a mirage.

It is so beautiful though ... as I reach my hand toward the crystal clear water every mirage contains, it shatters. Shatters like glass, all the pieces that brought me here, falling away without care.

A deep breath as around me the emptiness fills in.

I open my hand to find the last grain of sand.

I must let go.

I have to let go.

I let go.

Sometimes it is harder than others. Most times I remain still, hand closed tightly around the last bastion of hope. I reflect on all the broken pieces shattered around me, all the grains of sand lost, all of hope that led me here.

How much of it was never real to begin with?

Was it all a waste of time?

Time I cannot get back.

Time ...

Is an illusion.

An illusion we stagnate in. Wondering. Hoping. Waiting. For something. Anything. To grant us the knowledge of all we are. All we must be. All we should be. All we can become. As all we are is already upon us, is all around us, if only we can learn to let go and simply be ...



If what you are following, however, is your own true adventure, if it is something appropriate to your deep spiritual need or readiness, then magical guides will appear to help you. If you say, 'Everyone’s going on this trip this year, and I’m going too,' then no guides will appear. Your adventure has to be coming right out of your own interior. If you are ready for it, then doors will open where there were no doors before, and where there would not be doors for anyone else. And you must have courage. It’s the call to adventure, which means there is no security, no rules. ~Joseph Campbell


tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Default)

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