tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (starbuck)
The Best from Joseph Campbell

Joseph Campbell and Carl Sagan are my "Pope's" in this strange mash-up of spirituality I follow. Their words and wisdom just fit my soul, and here I will share some of my favorites from Mr. Campbell himself.

I'll just keep updating and adding to this thread. I'll change the date each time I do so it seems new. I'll make it clear what is new and what is old each time as well.
June 24th, 2015 Entries

"Sacred space is an absolute necessity for anybody today. You must have a room, or a certain hour or so a day, where you don’t know what was in the newspapers that morning, you don’t know who your friends are, you don’t know what you owe anybody, you don’t know what anybody owes to you. This is a place where you can simply experience and bring forth what you are and what you might be. This is the place of creative incubation. At first you may find that nothing happens there. But if you have a sacred place and use it, something eventually will happen."

~Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth

"In Sanskrit, which is the great spiritual language of the world, there are three terms that represent the brink, the jumping-off place to the ocean of transcendence: Sat, Chit, Ananda. The word “Sat” means being. “Chit” means consciousness. “Ananda” means bliss or rapture. I thought, “I don’t know whether my consciousness is proper consciousness or not; I don’t know whether what I know of my being is my proper being or not; but I do know where my rapture is. So let me hang on to rapture, and that will bring me both my consciousness and my being.”

~Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth
May 29th, 2015 Entries:


Furthermore, we have not even to risk the adventure alone, for the heroes of all time have gone before us. The labyrinth is thoroughly known. We have only to follow the thread of the hero path, and where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god. And where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves. Where we had thought to travel outward, we will come to the center of our own existence. And where we had thought to be alone, we will be with all the world."

~Joseph Campbell, The Hero with a Thousand Faces

image: Edge Dancer by Michael Whelan


"One of the great disadvantages of a literary or scriptural tradition, like the biblical one, is that a deity or context of deities becomes crystallized, petrified at a certain time and place. The deity doesn’t continue to grow, expand, or take into account new cultural forces and new realizations in the sciences, and the result is this make-believe conflict we have in our culture between science and religion."

~Joseph Campbell

image: True Origins of God by Michal Trpák

tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (starbuck)
I am not certain whether to count this past moontime as 3 weeks late or I missed a month and am 1 week early. I will find out for sure next week, depending on if I start my moontime as expected or not then.

I asked the doctor about this at the beginning of the year, she took some blood and nothing more came from it.

I'm 38. It doesn't seem like menopause should be hitting me so early. Perhaps it is.

I know I definitely do not want children, because even when I spend some time pining a little, soon enough I am thankful for my freedom. I mean come the fuck on, if my dog and cat didn't talk to me they would starve to death! Although I suppose a baby screams and talks eventually to.

I kinda just want to be done with the whole moontime thing. Yet at the same time I know the coming end is a sign of aging, a loss of a part of me that once had the opportunity to bring forth something in this world, a loss of a part of me that was once desirable and intriguing, a step towards being seen less and less, not to mention becoming worth less and less, to the world around me ...

I have done nothing of value to confront my disappearance altogether.

Teaching myself to cope with slowly being altogether forgotten sucks, but is necessary.

On the flipside, pushing myself to do something of value is a crazy motivator. One that, with age, contains a willingness to take less risk while offering an incentive towards adventurous workings of creative skill and imagination to fucking pull something off. Like an assignment I have waited until the last minute to start working on.

Now I just have to figure out how to tell the "fraud police" to fuck off -- they seem to be the keepers of the 'you can't do the thing, you are such a fake no nothing nobody' keys I remain caged within.

Either or, I will eventually simply just disappear from this world - in one instance I will be easily forgettable, in another, perhaps I will be immortal; or at least my memory will out live me.

tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (starbuck)
I know it is not for me, nor about me, but every time Ms. Nicks comes out with something new it always hits home for me. It always feels like she has read my mind and knows exactly where I am at, for that moment of my life.

This song, is no exception to that rule ...

"Lady, you don't need to see."

That is the part I need to focus on. Ha! Punny!

I close my eyes while drumming now. I try and feel what it is my intuition is whispering to me. Through this I understand better how to hear her voice.

That is what intuition does, it whispers, soft and gentle. It cares about you. Never getting in your way, yet always trying to hold your hand.

Those moments when you scream out, "I knew it!"

Intuition never says, "I told you so."

I know it right now, I am listening to her voice in my ear, I am going to make it happen.


Finally remembering that in all of this I have always been alone. Always courageous. Always willing to try. Always standing upon the throes readying myself to jump - falling like Alice into the next mystery my life shall be gifted.


"This is what is called the monomyth: an archetypal story that springs from the collective unconscious. Its motifs can appear not only in myth and literature, but, if you are sensitive to it, in the working out of the plot of your own life. The basic story of the hero journey involves giving up where you are, going into the realm of adventure, coming to some kind of symbolically rendered realization, and then returning to the field of normal life." ~Joseph Campbell

A heroine in pursuit of life.

This poem, written about me so many years ago - it still amazes as too how much it is me; especially as it comes from someone who should have little clue about me.

I lost myself for awhile. Yet now I turn back to it, to the words, to the Tigress Fallen ...

Tigress Fallen
by Taylor - March 28, 2007

The tigress fallen holds her eyes with the strength of feeling that only she possesses many unique wounds along her life line of shadows and the fear-defying.

The Tigress fallen dreams that she needs little support from any sector of reality, this is false. She needs every support from the hidden forces of the Universe and secret lines of communication with them, and no support at all from the blood lines of man. Until she is done with Her work among them, in this age, they will ever deceive her in her most sacred task - much unknown, even to themselves.

The Tigress fallen is a secret Goddess, or ancient angel being/force from a forgotten story of the earth, and she was old the day that humanity was born from the earth dreams, and on that day she knew that she would die a thousand deaths for them, in the hope for the stars within. She knew how many steps of descent there were on the day she saw them born, in her destiny interwoven with their own, she knew how much they would rape of her, and she knew each and every feeling of that descent. She knew no other choice but to begin her fall on that day, when so many laughed at the destiny of man, she stayed by them to preserve the most intimate details of the unique dreams Gaia breathed within them ... so that they may always be remembered within them.

The Tigress Sky knows endless lovers ... she falls in love with them with just a glance, and then they get out at the next bus stop. And she can only smile while no one watches.

The Tigress Sky both adores and disgusts how much she must be alone ... over and over again, each night is her oblivion and her heaven, each night she can see nothing else but a kingless crown. Each night she tells her self that she only needs herself, while she cries on the inside ... and out. This makes the Tigress Sky more beautiful then any other Goddess of creation ... which only the Panthers know, because they have the night's eyes to see the Tigress cry in the deepest part of the darkness.

The Tigress Sky needs to know beyond words that all her efforts and dreams and nine-fold joy are always around her; warming her sacred feminine breasts and heart. She is naked to those that care about her including each cardinal star in the physical night sky. She covers her skin to clothe her nakedness to everything else as she is adorned with the greatest illusion of being but just a woman.

But underneath -

Underneath, she knows every step of the way ...

"This is only another death ..."

Which means this is only another chance to make it. To hear her whisper and trust her words. To trust and know myself.

Yet most importantly to love myself ... as I have so many others.

To see the Valley of Fog and this time step deep into its mist.


To wade carefully through the ideals that have held me to this spot, carry with me what I can, let go that which strains against.

Yes I must take only that which I can carry ... which isn't much as I must be open to all that will come, all that has gone, all that may hurt, all that may love. All that wills itself to be ...

I think, therefore I am.

frank turner

It’s about snapshots, not oil paintings. Find a moment, be proud you were fucking there, then go find new moments.” ~ Frank Turner

I am proud thus far - although in this depression, I find myself doubting the value I provide/ed to anyone, anything, any moment in which my heart has built upon and filled with strong memories.

With the words of, "I love you, but you are no longer allowed a place in my heart because loving you hurts to much," coming from so many I was close to ... it is hard to pick your chin up and move on.

Who else will be hurt by loving me?

Who else will I hurt by letting in?

No one.

For now, I must lace up my combat boots, put my warriors mask back on and make my first steps outside of the comfort and into the fog ... a beautiful child.


(P.S. Floodplain and I are great, happy, in love. This is not a intimate break up post.)

I am enough

Fri, May. 2nd, 2014 16:21
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (starbuck)
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (starbuck)
These messages hit my heart hard today. A lot of stuff has just been coming to the light for me as of late. As my tantric friends would say the chakras are aligning and I am awakening to me more and more everyday. Maybe some day soon I will share how this all seemed to just fall in my lap throughout the day today, as my anxiety tried to bust through and take me down. Instead I was able to breath and walk myself through it. Each time I did so I got another message. Beautiful really.

Maybe they are messages for you whom may be reading this as well. I hope so. :)


"Prior to my first experience with psychedelics, I had identified with that which dies – the ego. The ego is who I think I am. Now, I identify much more with who I really am – the Soul. As long as you identify with that which dies, there is always fear of death. What our ego fears is the cessation of its own existence." ~Ram Dass

“Don’t be afraid to scrape the paint off and do it again. This is the way you learn, trial and error, over and over, repetition. It pays you great dividends, great, great dividends." ~Bob Ross

"The Last Pale Light In The West"
Ben Nichols

In my hands, I hold the ashes
In my veins, black pitch runs
In my chest, a fire catches
In my wake, the setting sun
Dark clouds, gather 'round me
To the west, the soul is bound
And I will go, on ahead free
There's a light, yet to be found

The last pale light in the west
The last pale light in the west

And I ask for no redemption
In this cold and barren place
Still I see the faint reflection
And so by it, I guide my way

The last pale light in the west
The last pale light in the west

Who Am I?

Tue, Aug. 6th, 2013 10:51
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (starbuck)
Note: I have been composing this rambling ever changing post for a few weeks now. I do not think it is going to make cohesive sense but sections of it will for sure make sense - to me anyway.


To dream of Her
Flowing golden hair
Piercing silver almond eyes
A snowy white owl perched atop Her throne
The sword of equity on her right
The scales of justice on her left

There I sit at Her feet
Her right hand man
Only I am a woman
Protected by a Tiger
Companion of a Wolf
Lead by an Elephant
Fancied by a Cock

I started writing this piece over a week ago. It was a writing prompt from a tumblr blog I follow called Write World. Daily they post prompts to help people sit down and write something. One of these prompts is called, "A Picture says a thousand words, now write them." This throne image reminded me of dreams I use to have on a regular basis. Dreams in which adventuring with Jax was the norm and the Greek Gods were my friends.

Dreams that ended so very long ago.

Anyway ... who knows if I will ever finish or come back to this piece. I'm just leaving it here because it is what it is and it means something to me. Even if it is not a piece anyone else will ever understand.

Speaking of understanding I finally had a moment of clarity and within a few days of that moment I deleted my Facebook account.

It was a long time coming.

The same goes for letting go of a lot of other things I am not letting go of that I most likely really should.

The clarity also helped me to get down to the root, (what I believe is the root anyway), of my current level of anxiety in dealing with some of my social interactions. It seems like it took a lot of anger, regret, self-loathing, self-judgement, denial, acceptance and some more anger, self-loathing, self-judgement, denial, (but no regret this time!) to finally tune in on this piece: I CAN NOT JUST BE ME ANYMORE.

No, I do not mean I need to change who I am and be something I am not. I mean that, the person who I am has become unacceptable in some of the social circles I am a part of.

I have to hold my tongue and watch everything I say now. I cannot just BE ME without worry of judgement, questioning, or even worse, people not willing to confront me; resorting instead to talking negatively about me with others when I am not around.

This is what I mean by, I can no longer just be me. In so much I am now uncomfortable and typically filled with anxiety before, during, and after every social interaction I have. This anxiety is even more so, and more relevantly damaging, with interactions I have with some of my closest friends. A few of whom, I have to admit, are not as close as they use to be. Which just adds another higher level of anxiety and discomfort during, but even more so a depression after; my interactions with them.

I find myself apologizing all the time; back-tracking and explaining every nuance of what I say so it cannot be mistaken. Then following all that up by asking and attempting to ensure I am understood. More often then not I find myself just remaining silent. Keeping silent eases the stress as I do not have to think and re-think before or after I speak; which also ensures there is no need to apologize, back-track, explain all my nuances, and ensure nothing has been mistook.

In short, social interactions take so much out of me now that my preference is just to avoid them altogether. Which is easy since I am pretty broke, (well not broke just being ultra conservative and trying to get rid of a few debts so I can adventure more!), and not really able to afford to go anywhere or do a lot of activities anymore anyway.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE!! my friends, my family, social interaction and I know how important it is to express and share that love. Right now though, that priority is so much struggle and grief that I am actually appreciative of the world forcing me into a big break from it.

I don't really know exactly what I will do yet to squelch the anxiety but I am actively aware and therefore actively working on it. Baby steps!

Hot Air Balloons - Cappodoccia

When I was a child my mom and stepdad repaired hot air balloons for a living in Black Forest Colorado. I use to ride in them all the time. I loved it! It is exhilarating!

I haven't been in a hot air balloon since I was probably 8.

My step-dad also owns (perhaps owned is the more appropriate term there since last I talked to him, over a decade ago, he was trying to sell his business) an airplane repair shop. He started it in Colorado Springs. That is a great place for flyers. The air force academy is there as well and he was sometimes called to help fix things out there. I flew all over the place when I was little. From tiny planes to air force choppers. I got air sick often but was always excited to fly.

When I was 5 I started flying on commercial airliners to visit my dad every other summer. That was even more exhilarating as I got to do this really grown-up thing alone.

I grew up loving being in the air ... what happened to that piece of me? If a hot air balloon ride was offered now I would let it pass by. My fear would ruin it. I get in airplanes now coated in so much anxiety that if it were not for my desire to see and experience as much of the world as possible I would never get in a airplane again.

I use to enjoy being in the water too. It was just a couple years a ago when I discovered that swimming and putting my face in the water scare the crap outta me. I did it though, swam the half mile in the Columbia River, face in (sometimes) and then proceeded to bike and run to the finish. I stayed so close to shore that it was embarrassing; the water didn't even go to my waist! I did it though. That is what matters. I truly hope to get on track to do it again next year as well. Taking time this fall and winter to get back into swimming with Floodplain, who is such a good motivator for me. We shall see.

feet taken away

Let's just say that everything in my world seems a little off kilter right now. Like my feet have been taken out from underneath me and I am struggling to get them back while the world just holds me here.

Why do I do what I do?
What do I stand for?
What are my values?
Why do they matter?
What role do I play in helping others succeed?
What is my contribution to the betterment of mankind?
What is my own commitment to my own evolution and self-realization?

These are the questions that matter. I think I may need to re-examine my answers to them. Hell, I don't know that I have necessarily ever answered them all anyway.

I don't know if I will share the answers. Yet I have given myself a goal to have them done by Samhain. This Samhain being my 9th year with my community, the 9th year being a time of death. Having these questions answered by then seems so telling of the seeds I will need to plant over the winter. Seeds that will aid in the formation of what will start blooming for me this next spring and what I will begin harvesting over the next nine year cycle.

I remain hopeful the phoenix that rises from the ashes will find her place in community and family again. If she does not, I hope she can let go with as little discomfort as possible and manage to keep the love, friendship, and truly amazingly honorable people she has come to know in her life - even with such a big loss and change.

We shall see.


"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like." ~Lao Tzu
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (starbuck)
Have you ever sat across from someone and become awakened to all your flaws?

I'm sure many of us have. Yet, have you sat across from someone, awakened to all your flaws, and realized how lovable you are anyway? How your flaws do not make you any more damaged or crazy than anyone else? That these flaws - so ingrained in your psyche as something you must fix, work around, keep hidden, and apologize for - need none of that attention?

I started writing this on Friday and today I was awakened to these poetic words from Roy Croft:

by Roy Croft

I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am when I am with you.

I love you,
Not only for what you have made of yourself,
But for what you are making of me.

I love you for
the part of me that you bring out;
I love you for
putting your hand into my heaped-up heart
And passing over all the foolish, weak things
that you can't help dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out into the light
All the beautiful belongings
that no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find.

I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern, but a temple;
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.

I love you because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good,
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.

You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it by being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
being a friend means, after all.


So it is I sit across from him awakened to all my flaws and love myself even more than I ever thought I could in spite of them.

From this love I can now truly hear and, most importantly, understand the voices from the few friends who remain so, so, so close to me:

Beyond the Reflection
by Thomas Merton

The beginning of love is to let those we
love be perfectly themselves, and not to
twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise
we love only the reflection of ourselves
we see in them.


So yeah, I process a lot here in my LiveJournal. As I go back over my posts, I find that, at times, it seems like the only thing I write is a lot of downhearted and/or extremely contemplative and self-judgmental posts. I tend to miss out posting those moments of great love and learning even though they are so abundant in my life.

That is how I process though; I write. I rarely share life's grievances at me with others, it just doesn't feel right. Nor does it sit well with the base of my honor code:

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle." ~Plato


(no subject)

Tue, Mar. 6th, 2012 01:17
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Default)
Pondering if I am really as rigidly structured as I have been judged to be recently. Do I not just "go with it" and let things "flow"? I suppose just thinking about it answers that question eh?


I wish I knew how to let go of criticism easier. Maybe it is because I felt shamed and embarrassed by this criticism that I am so focused on it. So now I'm back to internal analysis of how others see me, knowing damned well that how others see me is quite often a direct reflection of my actions. So, if I do not want to be seen this way, what do I need to work on changing? Or maybe the real question is, do I want to be seen this way? Is it so bad?

I won't figure it all out within this moment of insomnia tonight so ...

Starbuck & Anders from BSG

I'm watching Battlestar Galactica again. This show never gets old. It is one of the most well done series, with the best acting, best plot-line and most compellingly complete story. When it ends, you are satisfied.

Watching it this second time, with someone else, I find myself thinking about my original reasoning to watch it the first time: Starbuck. I had been compared to Starbuck, aka Kara Thrace, so often by so many randomly placed non-connected people in my life that I had to see for myself what they were obviously all seeing in me. Quite coincidentally I find it interesting to note that the character of Starbuck is played by Portland born Katee Sackhoff - who grew up in St Helens Oregon. *dun dun dun*

Anyway, when I initially watched it I was sometimes disturbed by the connection. As I watch it this secondary time though, well, I am quite proud of the connection. I think USA Today sums up who I am and who she is quite well - "the broken warrior, a young, idealistic soldier who has been fighting for all the right reasons, but has lost something along the way."

When we meet Starbuck in the series she is a woman who doesn't value her own life. She takes many risks and puts herself out there in ways that challenge the status quo and could harm her physically, as well as mentally. Yet as she evolves we discover a woman who is willing to sacrifice herself for others because she knows life is so valuable. And through all of this evolution she never loses the heart and soul of who she is. She never lets the world control her and in that we find the world loves her. Even if no one ever understands her or is allowed to get close to her. And there are moments when she lets someone so close it hurts ... but those moments are rare. And those moments are truly and deeply recognized by all experiencing them.

So, yeah, I get it.

Maybe it is time to cut off all my hair and get a new tattoo. Something that says I love; but I am, and will always be, me.

Yeah right, I don't have any money to do anything more than drink whiskey in my apartment and write insomniac posts about who I am.

Long live the fucking queen eh?

tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Lucero)
Some things today that lighten and darken my heart during this Yule season and, as the Pagan's like to tout, another turning of the wheel:

"I define nothing. Not beauty, not patriotism. I take each thing as it is, without prior rules about what it should be."~Bernice Johnson Reagon

"When my trust hung from the thin thread of justice
And the hearts of my lamps were smashed into tiny pieces
All over town
And the childlike eyes of my love were blindfolded
With the black kerchief of law
When blood was gushing forth from the anxious temples of my desire
When my life was nothing other than the ticking of the clock
I realized that I must love
That I must madly love."
~excerpt from the poem “Window” (1967) by Forugh Farrokhzad

Life's challenges are not suppose to paralyze you, they're suppose to unleash your inner strength and help you discover who you are."~Bernice Johnson Reagon


I've been basking in this warm glow of comfort and love, knowing it is fleeting. This time knowing for certain it will leave ... and yet I have been happier than I have been in such a long time.

It is worth it. I know it is.

Yet on the chess board, that has become my heart's game, a tower piece is crumbling and I, the Queen, recognize that I must let it fall. In order to protect the King ... just to let him go. A King that is always there, sitting silently smiling, reflecting all the lessons I have learned from all the "Kings" who have moved precariously through my life. All of them.

And these Kings, these great men I have loved and lost, they all have one thing in common - the need for something positive in their life to lift them up with a smile, love them, awaken them and then set them free. Free to find the way they had lost and feared to never find again.

And these Kings, as they find their forward pathway, recognize that the Queen can move in any direction she wants except this one ... and, although they pause to contemplate her, they are quickly taken-up by the checkmate that is life without her. Without me.

So sits the King of Mirrors from the past, on my chess board again, no longer breathing as he is once again, soon to be, just a representation of the heart's desires. And here I sit, surrounded by so many other pieces, so many other players in the beautiful lie that is my life. The board is in line again. Covered with pawns of people who are close, may even love me, that I don't know to well but know enough to support as they support me. And a court of players who stand beside me, strongly defending me with hearts so true. So true that hell I doubt even the King's heart has been so true. And I make moves in this beautiful lie - towerless, tireless, full of hopes and dreams as age begins to overwhelm and opportunities knock on my front steps. Even though I don't know where those front steps will be anymore.

I'm currently disoriented towards the direction of my life. Current goal motivating me: out of debt before I am 40. What that means to me is: no more student loans. Figuring out how to make that happen is the issue. What am I willing to sacrifice in my life to get to this point? What am I willing to lose?

Who knows eh? All I know right now is my lease is up in March and I need to decide where to move from there. I can't afford the forced rent increase that is guaranteed at my complex within each lease renewal period; so, one way or another I am moving somewhere by April. Maybe in with my parents for a couple years worth of free rent and torture as I devote the majority of my paycheck to paying off my student loan. Ill bring this idea up to them during Xmas and see what types of crazy ensues.

I don't think I can handle living with my parents again though. Hell, I don't know if I can handle living with anyone. I've changed so much and being by myself is just something I am use to now. My gym, my nutrition, my ability to walk nude through the house and not offend anyone and especially being able to fill my house with the music I like, (and everyone I know cringes at), whenever I want ... which is pretty much all the time.

Not to mention the fact that I am a big old bitch now. *sigh* I need to just get over it and get use to it. I hurt and upset people when I talk and that is just how it is.

So, I end this post with a jovial fuck you and goodnight from this bitch to all!