tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Marilyn Monroe Goddess)

In a past life I must have been cruel.

I do not mean a past life I can only dream. A dream in which might be recalled the love between Alexander and Hephaestion. No, not just a dream.

I mean a past life, that at times, feels like yesterday.

Days like these I find myself confronted by such a life; of my past. Seeing straight through the mask of self prepared so carefully within the depths of craved, perhaps depraved, acceptance. Leaving me to wonder what good, if any, I may or may not have provided.

In the eyes of wonder, the waves of cold doubt crash into me. Cold I use to possess. As if there was some form of self that deserved to be possessed by such cold.

A cold that forces you to crawl inside the womb of your anxieties, wrestle your demons, question your value, and die ... unto your own visions of self, repeatedly. Until the very moment there is nothing left to die unto.


Recognizing the very lack of definition with which you are born. In this life, and the next. In whatever moment you finally decide to live, that is.


The Seasons

Tue, Feb. 14th, 2017 08:20
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Marilyn Monroe Goddess)
Much of our theatrical entertainment celebrates the fantasy that the "bad" guys get their comeuppance and the "good" guys are left feeling vindicated. However much I wish to accept this portrait as some kind of truth, I cannot help but remember a key lesson, of which a major in mass communications provides; it is not the ordinary which serves to entertain but the extraordinary.

The extraordinary is also how stars explode and life forms from the dust.

Like a Phoenix from the ashes, life rises, regardless the outcome of right over wrong. You can't direct the wind, but you can adjust your sails. With love, unconditional.

You can only trust adjusting your sails as far out as the waves will take you without tossing you overboard. So it is discovered that success depends on the size of your confidence as it comes to such matters of the heart.

To deeply love is to truly see the presentation of self without condition. Conditions exist within the judgments and expectations that love just can't seem to forgive. Love, unconditional, forgives all.

Loving conditions keep the full experience of life locked, hidden, lost. The only choice left; to give up or push on.

Continue following the path which may allow you to achieve the ability to love, unconditional. Along this path confidence grows allowing the sails to carry ever farther out to sea.

Along the way we are convinced of the duality this thing called life shares with death. As if Apollo where not the sum of Dionysos, simply because one restricts while the other expands. Whom takes which role is portrayed as a seasonal affair. How quick it is forgot, the seasons are not simply determined by the the time of the year.

It is not always the dark which expands and the light which restricts. It is not always the light which expands and the dark which restricts. Growth and stagnation can be found in any direction; the wind through the sails, the fire of the heart, the crash of the waves against bare feet stepping upon the sandy shore.

So it is we are brought into this game of survival. Taught the difference between right and wrong. Given preference to life over death. Gifted the worry of legacy. Our success determined by a society running away from being. Driven by the obsession of doing. Believing that the bad guys get their comeuppance and the good guys their vindication.

Meanwhile, constant change washes over us. The good becomes bad. The bad becomes good. The forces of nature overwhelm the choice of which is current and which is dying.

Leaving us with only one truth, one choice, to stagnate or to grow.

Is this the answer? I do not know with any certainty that their even is an answer. Just choice.

tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Marilyn Monroe Goddess)

2017 quickly approaches, allowing a moment to reflect on the numerologically defined "9" this year has definitely been. I can only nod my head, in a form of acceptance and, perhaps a bit of appreciation, for the way it all played out. As a sort of initiation into the questionable form our human civilization is divisively taking towards becoming ...

Speaking of becoming; now is also a time to reflect upon the person I became in 2016. As well as postulate hopeful scenarios of the person I wish to become in 2017. How resolutely I succeed in accomplishing my "becoming" is affected directly by my willingness to change the reflections of that which "became" me.

artemis and apollo barry windsor smith.jpg

I am taken back six months, to a reflection from my birthday, of which the following seems relevant to share in order to understand my resolve for 2017.

"I am the artist of my truth, my wisdom, my experience and I do not intend to forget the pictures I have created along the way. Some of them bolder and louder than others. All of them a reflection of my creation myth.

A myth that started 39 years ago in a different time, in a different place. The history of which has ridden a wave of historic change in which I have had zero affect in shaping.

I am simply human. Part of a species advancing phenomenally as a whole. If such advancement, of a single species, to the detriment of so much around it, is to be considered a phenomenon. Which, even within my cynicism, I am left feeling is phenomenal. Knowing, in the grand scheme of the Universe, the Earth is but a tiny speck of dust, and the human species barely of microscopic consequence.

Yet, at the same time, we are the Universe experiencing itself. We are made of the stars, born of the sun and moon, birthed by an Earth mother that has created the perfect environment in which such a species can thrive. An environment in which we can learn, manipulate, and create through nothing more complex than a simple quiet moment in observance of nature.

It is in those silent moments that I am most grateful. Grateful for the experience becoming absolutely nothing more than a momentary microscopic breathe, on a cosmic speck of floating dust, in the vastness of a Universe I cannot even comprehend a minuscule fraction of, has granted me.

If you are reading this, it most likely granted me you.

No matter how briefly or incompletely I have loved and I have been loved. Unabashedly. Luckily. Sometimes even miserably. Only the Gods them self are able to comprehend, in one brief vision, the overall importance in such love."

On top of the vanity of the 20 pounds I vow to lose, this knowledge is what I vow to build from and upon in 2017.

To remain grateful for whatever amount of love for me exists in this world; in the hearts of those who keep me in their life, in whatever way they may choose to keep me.

To remain silent and observant to the nature of the world around me and the self that is developing within.

To attempt to paint some masterpieces worth remembering, even if they are heartbreaking, and most especially if they are love making!

To remember I am simply stardust, experiencing the Universe, as a form of life sculpted of the Mother known as Earth, guided by an invisible Father called Time; and, in spite of this travesty, I will continue to try and become more anyway!

Happy New Year!

With much love,

The Unknowns

Sat, Nov. 12th, 2016 17:55
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Marilyn Monroe Goddess)

I like it here, in the past. Where just the right song unleashes an energetic flood within. Where the ignorance of youth struts through the world carrying an invisible guarantee of future ownership. Where death is just an imagined scenario of attendance and guessing how many hearts will be broken. On good days that is. On bad days it is simply a struggle to discover reasons to bother staying. Trying to believe it is their jealousy and not your inadequacy that entices such behavior. If you were not about to be King you might just give up.

Perhaps Alzheimers will not be all that bad. Living here, if I can just keep remembering here, I can stay here. Right? Believing I am a little girl, out in the woods alone, the big bad wolf by my side and a Mighty Mouse at my beckon call. It will be beautiful. Except in the awake moments. Offered a reality of an unknown old woman staring at me in wonder. Not knowing how I got into this body, this room, surrounded by all these unknowns.

When did I end up so alien? Sitting upon this spec of dust brought to life by the eye of Apollo. I know I was born this way, not yesterday, yet I wasn't bought or sold this way. All those half baked ideas on the cover of magazines teaching me exactly what I never could be. Those were the always and never of everything I was promised I would be. If I just, if I just, if I just ... turn to dust.

All that can be afforded in a time none bare witness until some bare ignorance. Laying claim that she is in the river when we all know she is of the land. A Virgo to be precise; if you ever wonder why it is that I analyze. Everything and nothing in the lies.

To make sense of it all is, at times, the most tiring thing. Forced to predict the facts of the outcome desired. Preparing for the redemption of the choice before it is ever made. A ladies prerogative presented to enhance the darkness. Sometimes it is hit, sometimes it is miss. It all depends. Just how long can you hold your own against the antagonists hatred of self. Before reaching the moment of awaited failure certain to see your rage.

Yet maybe if I just turn the page. Or the volume up on this song and the next. I can remember riding the bus next to him. What it felt like to be Queen of the backseat with clothes on. His eyes speaking the truth of a broken heart. His lips professing such strength on his part. Letting me go.

Nowhere but here, in this moment, does it matter where I came from. You can stick tape on the ends of the cassette tape and record over it all. Playing the radio, collecting the songs you can't afford to buy. Pausing to skip the advertisements of a life never to be recorded in the history where anyone looks.

by TigrisSky
©November 12, 2016
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Marilyn Monroe Goddess)
There is a time where you try again, take a risk, putting one foot in front of another and step right off the edge of that cliff.

Maybe you'll fly.

Such a notion is all you need to proceed. To open the box of secrets, to eat from the sacred tree of knowledge, to let all of humanities doubts and fears escape into the world. Like Pandora, like Eve, like Ishtar and Inanna eating from the tree of knowledge and becoming the star of Venus. The star of hope. The star that leads the adventurer far from home and back again.

"When I began my journey of personal work and healing, I began to hear the word 'drama'. It addressed all the shadow, the brokenness, the emotional upheavals, the victimhood... you know what I'm talking about. It meant that this drama queen was not the 'real' me ~ but someone who was indulging in some seeking attention gimmicky behaviour.

I too picked up that word, and looked at my life as a soap opera of continuous twists and turns, highs and lows, and with great sincerity began to work to heal. Did a lot of work with my inner child. Deep gratitude to all those who supported me on my journey.

I also collected a lot of shaming messages on my way. Which I eventually learnt to give to myself. It was easy to shame me as shame has been big in my life. I began to interpret the difficult situations of my life as melodrama. Of course, sometimes, a hard shake-up does wake us up from an unconscious sleep. When I heard my behaviours being called drama and was told to get out of all that 'stuff' ... I was able to look at my life in a new way. I healed a lot of my auto-response behaviours once I understood the pattern.

Today, I can see how screwed up our body responses become through endless trauma creating experiences. Our body stores each and every memory of a fight or flight response that could not be properly executed. Our protective barriers have been breached a million times, (you know that if you are a girl travelling in public transport in India), and one simply learns to 'live with it'. So much numbing happens along the way, as our way of response gets frozen into habitual patterns.

Today, I am really sorry that I used the word 'drama' in a way that demeaned or shamed my brokenness, or any one else's brokenness. I want to deeply honour each one's life story and mine as well. I am glad I woke up to this, and apologise to anyone to whom I used this word. I am sorry."

The few quoted paragraphs above are from Sukhvindar Sircar, a woman of great respect whom I follow on Facebook. Her words came as I began writing this piece. A beneficial coincidence to the direction of my thoughts. Describing, with great analogy, the place I have been for so long now.

Yet here I am in this moment, on the precipice of transformative growth. A completion of sorts, into the beautiful bud of whatever flower I choose to become. To finally be done with time spent worrying about who I am and where I belong.

I belong nowhere.

I am variable.

This is exceedingly good knowledge. Knowledge of which I seem to periodically forget and rediscover.

A cycle completes and a Fool makes her way out into the world. Variable and heading nowhere she doesn't want to go.

Sand in her toes, awakened by the light of Venus, the star of hope, as she steps out into that ocean of night ...

tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Marilyn Monroe Goddess)

I contemplate becoming that woman who simply leaves it all behind. I don't mean the woman who packs up her things and uses her passport to disappear. No, not simply the woman who starts over somewhere else, hopeful in the new adventure she has stepped into.

No. Not that woman.

I contemplate becoming the woman who takes too many pills, letting go completely of everything she ever was or could become.

It isn't because I am not grateful. It is not because I cannot see the beauty of the world around me. I certainly am. I certainly can.

I understand, however, that the world doesn't need me in it. It will never matter that I was here. I will never do anything, be anything, accomplish anything.

If I reach old age I will be left to hope that I have enough monetary value for society to place me in a care home. I will be left to hope that this care home offers more than bed sores and a television that helps ignore.

In the interim of moving towards the hope of that reality, the darker and harder it all gets. Yet still, life blooms around me and I am nothing if not grateful for the experience, the beauty, and above all else, the love.

It is all so futile though, constantly in search of hope for a momentary experience of joy, fulfillment, satisfaction, accomplishment ... whatever it is we need to be fully present and savor what it is we are going through.

Addiction. Habit. Comfort. Ritual. Security. Conformity. All the things that bring some fleeting sense of worth in continuing on accepting the drive life has, to simply be alive.

It isn't so much that I am depressed, as it is I recognize the truth and just don't want to play the game anymore.

The battle of good and evil. In a world where everyone seems to think they are right, as if their existence has some sort of importance in regards to the overall outcome of things. This is what creates such a battle. Before empires, before conquests, before territory, there was no good versus evil, just life.

I cling to the simplistic beauty that is life, but society demands so much more and cares so little for life. I feel deeply the constant bombardment of hatred for life, extraneously displayed when one cannot fit any of the molds society requests.

I certainly cannot fit the molds. So it is the value of my life is obsolete here.

Just ask anyone you find yourself better than.

Just ask yourself in the moment any emotion associated to fear of another human sets itself inside you. For it is in that moment the molds of society you cling to shine brightest. It is in this moment life is no longer simply life, but instead a cancer. A cancer learning and growing en masse, clinging to life for no more than a means to feed itself and keep itself growing.

Life continues to move farther and farther away from nature, it's Creator. Spiraling deep inside the idea of individualism, separatism, self-importance, which in itself is the creator of the delusion of good and evil. In turn creating the molds which define such concepts. The molds which define the society in which we live.

The molds in which I will never fit.


p.s. This is not a cry for help. I am not in danger of hurting myself. Seriously. Sincerely.
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (starbuck)
(note - this needs desperate editing)

Venus - Inanna
Venus orbits the Sun every 225 days and never travels farther than 48 zodiacal degrees away from it. Thus Venus is always found within two signs of the sun. Her continuous dance with the Sun is how Venus became associated to the aspects of the feminine. It was as if the Sun was entranced by Venus, in love. She is the first written of Goddess in Western mythology. Inanna is the first name we can truly know her by; and she is the Goddess who took her power. She tricks God, the God All Powerful, the Zues of this Mesopotamian Myth, to give up all his power to Her so she could save his life.

And he did.

She is warm, wet, moist, magnetic, and fruitful. She is where life comes from and where all life returns. Those things we associate with the mother; be they our mother or the mother that is our planet and harbors and receives all life. As well as those things we associate with love, passion, fire and a drive for life. As well as those emotions that can over take us at any moment; the way they wash over us again and again, like waves from the ocean. This is whatthe feminine aspects of life are represented by - Love!.

~TigressSky © March 3, 2015 (excerpt from a piece I am writing)
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (starbuck)
black wolf
The Wolves at My Door
by TigressSky (July 11, 2014)

So how do I move on?

How do I re-ignite that bright shining fiery confidence in who I am; how I am?

How do I walk comfortably in my own skin? A skin, that since my teens, has filled me with the despair of it's ever numbering imperfections. Imperfections of my minds eye. Imperfections placed upon my vision by society, a drunken mother, magazine covers, and teenage boys who "oink" at me as I walk down the street.

Most importantly, how can I become comfortable wearing "alone" again?

When you fall off the pedestal of others hopes and dreams of you ... you fall ever so much farther than the original starting point. Deeper, ever deeper. As the hand of despair grips tighter, pulls hard, placing you farther than Hades reach has ever been. Deeper, ever deeper. Until there is nothing left for your heart except ...


I am.

Clawing my way out, I can see over the edge. I grip tightly to the precarious threshold, fingers bloodied. Eyes pensively peering into the light of the bright world around me. A world that keeps trying to deposit me here - under my desk, outside the hands of the most ancient of Gods. A world that screams out at me, don't stop, don't stop, don't stop!


My nails now scratched short enough to play the music of my soul. My tear stained cheeks are covered in the mud of the past. My heart beats with the love I felt, with the love I feel, with the love I have yet to discover.

So it is I prepare to step out, to step forward, to step onto the plains and ride the white buffalo into the bright orange sunset. A sunset that will lead to the final years this life has to offer.

I can't continue to grasp at straws that have weaved them-self into a basket of ideals I simply no longer fit into.

Besides, you should never put all of your eggs into one basket.

Especially when your eggs don't produce.

A gift of freedom from the Gods? Or simply a cursed broken record formed in your youth? The one that can't get past, can't get past ... can't ... get ... past.

So it is I turn back into a child. I turn back into my heart. I turn back into a wild woman, Lady Godiva, holding tight the bison mane of adventure as the wind blows through my hair, across my face, and my past becomes my present - except now I hold the reigns.

I'm thirsty ... I hunger. Yet what will fulfill my cravings?

That is what I have to discover. That is what I have to risk it all for.

My soul.

Will be empty.

If I don't.

That is where people die - crying. Inside a soulless shell of missed opportunities wrapped in a life of "what if's?" Stuck, waiting, for death, for this moment in which no one is around to stop you. A moment in which you realize that all those times you did the right thing, said the right thing, where the right thing, never mattered. All those "right things" affected no one who desired them as much as it affected you who performed them ...

In the end.

How many adventurous opportunities have I missed while maintaining some form of comfort in my life that would all slip away someday anyway?

How many problems have I placed upon my temple by giving into a hope that this time, THIS ONE DAMNED TIME, I would be seen, I would be loved, wholly, fully, completely, for who and what I am - always.

Yet the expectation of love seems to be that I will never change. That I will never grow. That I will never become more than this moment. That I will be okay as second choice - forever. That I will accept my place in the lot of them and never question the tire treads of their forgetfulness across my heart.

Believing that nothing will ever disrupt the comfort is ...


Everything changes, or else it dies.


Search and destroy.

That is how you grow.

That is how you become.

Outside of emptiness.

Inside of self.



Fri, Dec. 13th, 2013 08:55
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (starbuck)
See You by asofterworld.com

Yes. Exactly. Why is this so hard? Why can we not simply accept and love the whole of each other without the demand of expectation for something more, something different, something that may fulfill our own hearts but leave the one giving empty and alone?

True beauty is in seeing your friends and loved ones for the fullness of what and who they are and loving it all - regardless of wants that we forcefully turn into expectations. Letting others just be as well as letting ourselves just be. Appreciating the moment without expectations, wants or needs of it or the person we are sharing it with to meet or be. Why is that so hard to do? Why can we not just love? Why do we have to be right? Why do we have to know-it-all? Why do we have to demand that others meet our emotional and physical desires to fit into our hearts?

Maybe I am a just dreamer? Like the song says, I know I am not the only one. Yet some days I selfishly wonder if I am truly not the only one? 


Alone #5

Tue, Dec. 3rd, 2013 15:34
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (starbuck)
Quick Update before I go into my rambling; Pants went in for surgery last Tuesday only to find out she can't really have surgery. Apparently she is just suffering from a severe infection of her salivary glands which means another 3 full weeks of strong as hell antibiotics and anti-inflammatories. Surgery on a salivary gland is a lot of work and can be dangerous. The doc did aspirate her and do some minor exploratory surgery checking everything carefully and there is definitely nothing lodged in her throat just infection. So I guess we lucked out there. In the week that has passed her neck seems perfectly normal again. I am hopeful when the medication stops, her neck stays the same. We shall see.

more me

Alone. I want to add the word again to that statement but, in truth, the correct addition is always.

It's how we start, it's how we end, it is the void in between. The void in which we are born and all our time is spent trying to fill the emptiness - people, places, things; the nouns we surround ourselves with. Often fooling ourselves into believing we have succeeded, always painfully aware there is no succeeding, no escaping; just lies that fill our inbetween.

Something strange is happening for me. Being ejected from the spotlight and told it is all my fault has torn me open in a much unexpected way.

For one, I have truly forgiven my mother ... there should be a long pause here, I wish I could put into words what all that means, but I myself still struggle to understand fully.

As well I struggle to forgive myself ... but that is another topic altogether. I am sure I may write about it, but who knows if I will share. I've stopped sharing much, it just gets used against me, makes me feel bad about who I am. Settling me deeper, ever deeper, into the void. Were I am lost wasting time trying to escape the alone again. The void, where so many sit grasping, practically begging, for connection to all the nouns one can surround them self with. The void where I find I am doing nothing more than lying to myself that if I can just be more, do more, prove more ... but ... there is no more.

So I just stop sharing and instead embrace.

Sitting closer to alone, holding it knowingly. Eventually Alone will be the dark cold arms in which we all lay our souls. Spending so much time running from it ... HA! what a joke.

In the end, if you cannot be happy with Alone, you will never be happy nor truly appreciate the nouns of which you naturally become surrounded. Don't spend your time in need of someone or something - instead spend it appreciating someone or something.

That is love.

That is a true connection with all you are and can become.

In intoxication I decorated my Christmas tree last night. Out of the literal hundreds of ornaments my mother and I had packed around our entire lives only three remain with me. The loss to me, of which is unexplainable, stings venomously every year and has done so for the past 15 years. One would expect it to get better, but there are some fantasies a child without a childhood cling to more desperately than others. I still believe in Santa.

A comedy dealing with loss knowingly provided the soundtrack for the evening. I pulled out the ornaments coated beautifully in the loss they have come to represent and yet, in the same coin toss, shining magnificently bright with all the happiness they held. Three of them come attached to a dead mother, all the rest come attached to a lost son, the yin-yang of yule. The return of the king. The death of a another. The end. The beginning ... of tears crawling out of the abyss I had lost them in. My lover embracing me.

Alone. Always.

I know those whom whisper darkly about me, the ways I fail - fail you, fail life, fail myself. Judgment ... just another way in which we can try to free ourselves from the Alone. The Alone is always, all ways, and All. It is that which we try and separate from life; grasping at nouns, shouting out abusive verbs, hiding behind the adjectives of a smile.

I love even as those dark words sneak their way to me and try and make me hate.

I love because I know. The darkness has always been and it cannot be used against me. 70% of the known Universe is darkness and from it springs the light and to it the light returns.

Stop trying to escape the alone and start embracing it -- recognize we are all saying, yelling, screaming at the top of our lungs the exact same thing, "Love me!"

Love me before the darkness calls me home.


writing ...

Fri, Jun. 7th, 2013 16:20
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (starbuck)
I'm trying it again. This time with a process. I ran across this interview piece with James Baldwin which has really helped me to feel like I am on the right path in my decision to write.

I do not really have more to say about my process or what I am writing about at the moment. Except to say that this may be one of the first times where I feel confident that, (even if nothing gets written all), what I am learning about in the creative process is so worth it.


James Baldwin, The Art of Fiction No. 78 an Interview from the Paris Review

I found James responses so compelling and saw my own self in so many of them.

tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (starbuck)
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There is something about this song that opens a million doors inside my mind. A hundred million suns flashing about me as I dance in the mysteries the song answers to the questions we should be asking.

Im not afraid of anything, even time
It will eke away at everything, will be fine

Ive been daydreaming again about going overseas. My need to experience so much more than this little port can offer is breaking my heart. That doorway to the unknown is begging to be open as I stand in front of it being responsible. I have too much material holding me down. I need to throw off this anchor so I can run. I just wish I knew what it was made of, will I lose my heart, will I lose my mind, do I have to sell my soul?

Tell me that you want to dance
I want to feel your pulse on mine
Treat me like a stolen glance...to yourself

Oh how I want to dance, from hilltop to cityscape to the sea and the ocean great. I want to know it all, feel it all, wrap myself around it and fill myself with it like a lover. I want to kiss lips on foreign shores, chance encounters made from stolen glances. A sip of the finest local life that can be offered. Like Dracula drinking it all in and feeling my power grow.

A dark shape on a Golden floor
A sleeping planet with a molten core

Eruption, melting, the darkness of the soul removed. Eyes open, eyes shut, eyes open again in pure childish amazement at all that is and is not. Understanding and confusion filling the heart of curiosity as she lives life on the whim of a razor blade wire.

Im not afraid of anything, even time
It will eke away at everything, will be fine

Dont get me wrong, I love all I have and I dont want to lose what I know, I just want so much more. My crazy heart is boiling, do I listen to it?



Wed, Aug. 5th, 2009 14:20
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Default)
This post started out being a submission to the newest Note Meets Letter Challenge, it became to personal for that. I think you can find the moment it stopped being a story and started being a catharsis.

The names have no longer been changed to protect anyones heart....


drink me )

p.s. I figured out why that song has been on repeat...
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Default)
It's truly a sight to see, Tigress, when the inhabitants of any planetary civilization cross the tipping point and begin to individually accept complete and eternal responsibility for their own happiness.

Yet, this hardly compares to the mountain quaking, body shaking, polarity-flipping, hero-making occurrences that transpire when such inhabitants graduate to accepting complete and eternal responsibility for their every twinge of unhappiness.

Brings tears to my eyes,

The Universe


You are responsible for where you are in your life. You are responsible for your happiness or lack there of. You and only you. Not that person who pissed you off. Not that person who forgot to invite you. Not that person who kissed and left you. No, they are not responsible for any of it, YOU ARE.

Just you and only you.

If you feel excluded, then stop excluding yourself. If you feel jealous, then stop envying what you dont have and start appreciating what you do. If you feel unhappy, then stop dwelling on the bad moments and focus on those that make you happy. If you feel unloved, then stop focusing on it being someone's job to love you and start loving yourself.

Unbelievable as it may seem, it really is that easy.


(no subject)

Sat, Aug. 1st, 2009 09:30
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Default)
Song Title: Everytime I Die
Artist: Children of Bodom
Album: Follow the Reaper
The Challenge: Write a narrative and/or description (any genre or style) which includes both an aspect of the song and an aspect of the video.


Title: Screaming Silence
Author: TigressSky
Challenge: Member Challenge, Challenge #11
Prompt: Another Night, Another Demise
Genre: Tragedy
Rating: PG
Author's Note: The lyrics reminded me of a Metallica song, so I told that story, many of you may figure it out quickly with that note of information. There seemed to be no video to try and write along with as suggested though?


Another night, another demise, why wont they listen to my cries. Why am I alive? I can feel the cadaverous wind blow as Dr. Seward enters the room for the third time tonight.

"Help me!" I scream at him. He ignores me, like always.

I shake my head back and forth in frustration, the only thing they seem to pay attention to.

"He is trying to tell us something I am certain," Dr Seward says, I can feel breath blowing against the skin of my cheek as he leans over me.

"Please," I call out in agony, "I cant take another night of this."

Another night of this? Is it night? Or is it day? I relax into the despair of not knowing and wish for the arms and hands to grab Dr. Seward and shake him vigorously. I am not alive and I am not dead. How can he justify keeping me like this?

I hear him slump into the chair beside me letting out a deep sigh. I imagine he is scratching his head, trying to figure out the right thing to do.

"I don't know what to do," he whispers. I can feel him leaning closer to me and I allow myself to get hopeful again. He is about to debate with himself, an angel and a devil on his shoulder, he is going to offer me exactly what I need.

"I don't know what to do," he whispers again and then it starts. His fist pounds on the bed and I feel the vibration and sudden jolt. "God damn it!" He hollers as he bolts upright out of the chair and begins his pacing debate.

"I have to stop this. This isn't living. This is a sideshow. You are a sideshow freak that they just cant let go of." I hear him stop momentarily in front of the heartbeat monitor, his body causing the tone to fade and he begins to pace again.

"You need to be free of this," he whispers, "they dont need you. Do they?"

His pacing stops in front of me as he questions me, "why are you still here? Why are you still alive?"

"God damn you!" I scream at him. "You did this to me you bastard! You made me! Why did you bother to put me back together like this?"

He ignores my screams and continues on.

"There must be a reason why you are still here. Thats the only thing that makes any sense. Not their crazy love for your lifeless aliveness. There has to be a reason you survived."

"No!" I scream. If I could move I would kill Dr. Seward, instead I do the only thing I know how.

"What are you trying to say?" Dr. Seward says watching me thrash my head back and forth in despair.

"What are you trying to say?" He mumbles again, more to himself then to me. He will understand no answer from me no matter how loudly I scream.

Ive become a display of machines holding a few small human like pieces together. A mind trapped inside the darkness. I have no way to express myself; the mine removed my jaw, my tongue, my eyes are gone as well. I have no way to experience as it stole my arms, my legs and maybe even my cock. My screams are internal and my movements barely visible. I am a soul trapped, desperate, desiring to enter Hades. Put the coins to my eyes already, Ill gladly pay Chiron. Instead Im stuck here in Hell alone.

The Devil mumbling above me, teasing me with pulling the plug. Another night, another offer of demise. Gods it gets more painful everytime I die.

(no subject)

Sat, Jul. 11th, 2009 08:46
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Beware of Dog)
Note Meets Letter Challenge:
Song Title: Date With The Night
Artist: Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Album: Fever To Tell
The Challenge: Write a blog/diary/journal as if you were another character from a story you or someone else made (as long as it's fictional). It could be about anything--talk as if you were speaking from experience (in the character's point of view).

Read more... )
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Lucero)
@nd Attempt at Note Meets Letter -
Song title: Yes
Artist: Coldplay
Album: Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends
The Challenge: This is a song challenge with a twist- let's see if you can give us a short story in no more than 650 words. Good luck to everyone and I can't wait to read what everyone has to contribute!

Title: Dandelion Promises
Author: TigressSky
Challenge: Catergory Challenge #7
Prompt: When it started we had high hopes
Genre: Drama?
Rating: PG
Author's note: I did not particularly enjoy this song, so, I picked the first line from the lyrics and ran with it.

Dandelion Promises )
tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Default)
I dont know if Ill actually submit this piece, maybe Ill just utilize the challenges from the LJ Community called Note Meets Letter in attempt to have motivation to write creatively. To just come up with things off the cuff and write some short pieces of work here and there. Im not a great writer, but I love to write still, so, Note Meets Letter, I take on your first challenge here in my own journal.

Song Title: Iris
Artist: Goo Goo Dolls
Album: Dizzy Up The Girl
The Challenge: Using/being inspired by a line from the lyrics, write a chapter of a defining moment in a characters life, in first person viewpoint". For example, a child assaulted, a bride being married etc. almost like a chapter of an autobiography [aka personal narrative].

Required tags to this challenge are - author: [your author name], challenge: [member's choice], challenge: [song], genre: [genre you choose]

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Note: I have yet to start any piece of this yet. This will be written edited and reviewed and once I am through it will be redated and placed at the top of my postings for that time. Have to have it done by next Saturday for the Challenge, so, hopefully I do...

Edit (11:15pm): Finished piece is under the cut. Comments are greatly appreciated and may be screened, not certain yet!

Edit (noon, 6-15): Finished piece is under the cut, Ive gone ahead and submitted it today, not certain I want to see what the critics will say about it but...

the attempt )


tigrissky: Tiger in Green Sea (Default)

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