Peace Out!

Dear Universe,

Why does it have to happen like this?

Throwing in my face how much I don't fit; in the exact place where I allowed myself to feel and fit the most.

Giving so much time and heart that I had no doubt this was it.

This was where I belonged and had always belonged.

My search was over!


I belong nowhere.

I'm like the square peg that a child squeezes into the round hole.

Except I am the child, too.

Spending a life proving she can do exactly what you say she can't.

Square peg in a round hole?

No problem.


I can do this as well.

Change.

I'm good at it.


“Every day brings a choice: to practice stress or to practice peace.” ~Joan Borysenko

*breath*

So, as I make a conscious choice to practice peace I realize that everything I wanted for my community is happening. I never focused on any piece where I was vital or necessary to that happening. So I find comfort in things turning out in love - with, or as the case is, without me.

I relish in the openness my future seems to hold. Even while each day of aging passes and I feel more and more trapped in this moment. As my memory fails, my looks fade, and my ability to learn diminishes ... I feel like there is so much more to come, somewhere I am suppose to go, something I am suppose to accomplish.

Maybe in the end it will be the same as it is now; nothing. Yet at least I will know I tried to find something in all the nothing this world really is.

~TigressSky~

(no subject)

Wrote this piece a few back. Feeling it still. 'Tis my luck, curse, fate, to really understand what it means ... always.

Tired and Old
~TigressSky © 1/8/2008~

So they walk out the door
And you sigh
But you dont question
You dont cling
You love them
And let them go

Never knowing
Where they are going
What they are doing
Why they have gone

Continuing on
Trying to live
With honor
Doing wrong
Right
And inbetween
With disregard
To societal
Moral compasses
Always following
Your own

They will come home
They wont
You dont care
Just so long as they return
They never really left
Your heart

So you continue on
Trying to be
The love
You took for granted
Knowing that
You are no longer
The one they left
So strong
So bold
Now you are simply
So tired
So old