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What is the point?
Wed, Mar. 6th, 2013 15:49Friend: Asking for what we need isn't normal for us. It's something we have to get comfortable with. We HAVE to! I don't know how, but we've got to do it.
Me: Yeah, that's the fucking truth.
14 years ago my mother died. Alone.
Okay that is not true, she was not alone, she had me.
That is it though. No one else cared. No one else showed. The only phone calls I received were people wondering if they could get shit back that my mom had most likely stolen years before. Shit they were too chicken to try and get from her when she was alive.
Fuck them!
Yeah, she was an evil bitch but she was my mother. She was also human and deserved to be treated more humanely than this life ever showed her. She did her best with the tools such a fucked up world granted her. She survived - until she didn't.
That was it for her. Once I am gone, no one will care at all anymore.
I'm only slightly more lucky than her.
This world equipped me with better cognitive learning skills as well as a strongly reinforcing recognition of what I never want to be.
So it is that I push back. Telling the world to "fuck off" as I bend it ever so slowly to my will and not the latter, which so many people settle for.
I fail often. I hurt physically, mentally, emotionally yet I continually long for more ... to be a better me. Whatever that may entail. I just. Keep. Pushing.
One focus I have had, since caring for my mother and being the only one by her side when she passed, is to not be that alone. More importantly, that pointless.
The sins of the father though eh? They apply to the mother too.
I have had moments in which I believed I had found a point. Pouring my heart and soul into it. Giving myself over to it fully. Learning, connecting, accepting, making it happen!
There seems to always be a pinnacle to the point though. A place where I have reached the upper most peak and suddenly before me lays a terrain filled with so much more!!!
A place where I am standing at a crossroads. Recognition of how far beyond where I once was I have traveled and now stand. A place where I become painfully aware how much further there is to go. And, to top it off, aware that there is no one set direction to take to get there!
Oh, and where the hell is "there" anyway?!?! Will I lose all I've gained? Who will I hurt? Who will hurt me? How will I know what the right thing to do is? Can I handle another journey? Who will I meet? How will I grow? What new things will I learn? See? Experience?
Yes, with trepidation my heart opens and says, "go!!!!"
Yet I know, out of all the reality the directions present, the only true reality is ... nothing.
Accept the nothingness, for it is everything and everything is pointless.
That's the point?
~TigressSky~
"When you are following your heart, on your path, there are always going to be at least one or two or forty people naysaying what you are doing and who you are.
Great! You need them to keep your myth interesting, to keep your fire burning, to add resistance so you push harder, to threaten your passion so you learn to protect it, to ask questions so you ask yourself once more why and who you are and re-discover your truths.
They're curious, they're scared, they're threatened, so what, keep moving, your intention is love and you're making a difference, you're affecting people, you're living out loud.
At the end of the day, you won't be able to blame your detractors for why you didn't fulfill your dreams, they aren't holding you back, you're giving them power. If your detractors are reflections of your own fear still buried deep inside of you, then by all means, keep walking through that fear, keep polishing your diamond soul til it reflects only light.
What they think is none of your business, and what they think changes every day.
Wishing you didn't have detractors and doubters - again, that's asking for life to be easy, when it's not. It's challenging, fascinating, amazing, terrifying, beautiful, but not easy.
Ignore your audience, listen to your inner voice.
Sometimes people still ask me why I dress the way I do and am the way I am, because it's so "different," and that pains me; we live in such a place that everyone feels the need to fit in and fears deviation from the herd.
Go your own way.
I say I dress the way I do and live the way I do so the stars can see me from the sky and so my fate won't pass me by.
BE BIG!
Don't you think the stars look down and watch you shine, the way you look up at them? Of course they do, they're probably making wishes on you right now.
Don't let others' fear clouds hang over you and dim your love light. Continue to, or have the courage, to light your own way." ~Doitgirl
Me: Yeah, that's the fucking truth.
14 years ago my mother died. Alone.
Okay that is not true, she was not alone, she had me.
That is it though. No one else cared. No one else showed. The only phone calls I received were people wondering if they could get shit back that my mom had most likely stolen years before. Shit they were too chicken to try and get from her when she was alive.
Fuck them!
Yeah, she was an evil bitch but she was my mother. She was also human and deserved to be treated more humanely than this life ever showed her. She did her best with the tools such a fucked up world granted her. She survived - until she didn't.
That was it for her. Once I am gone, no one will care at all anymore.
I'm only slightly more lucky than her.
This world equipped me with better cognitive learning skills as well as a strongly reinforcing recognition of what I never want to be.
So it is that I push back. Telling the world to "fuck off" as I bend it ever so slowly to my will and not the latter, which so many people settle for.
I fail often. I hurt physically, mentally, emotionally yet I continually long for more ... to be a better me. Whatever that may entail. I just. Keep. Pushing.
One focus I have had, since caring for my mother and being the only one by her side when she passed, is to not be that alone. More importantly, that pointless.
The sins of the father though eh? They apply to the mother too.
I have had moments in which I believed I had found a point. Pouring my heart and soul into it. Giving myself over to it fully. Learning, connecting, accepting, making it happen!
There seems to always be a pinnacle to the point though. A place where I have reached the upper most peak and suddenly before me lays a terrain filled with so much more!!!
A place where I am standing at a crossroads. Recognition of how far beyond where I once was I have traveled and now stand. A place where I become painfully aware how much further there is to go. And, to top it off, aware that there is no one set direction to take to get there!
Oh, and where the hell is "there" anyway?!?! Will I lose all I've gained? Who will I hurt? Who will hurt me? How will I know what the right thing to do is? Can I handle another journey? Who will I meet? How will I grow? What new things will I learn? See? Experience?
Yes, with trepidation my heart opens and says, "go!!!!"
Yet I know, out of all the reality the directions present, the only true reality is ... nothing.
Accept the nothingness, for it is everything and everything is pointless.
That's the point?
~TigressSky~
"When you are following your heart, on your path, there are always going to be at least one or two or forty people naysaying what you are doing and who you are.
Great! You need them to keep your myth interesting, to keep your fire burning, to add resistance so you push harder, to threaten your passion so you learn to protect it, to ask questions so you ask yourself once more why and who you are and re-discover your truths.
They're curious, they're scared, they're threatened, so what, keep moving, your intention is love and you're making a difference, you're affecting people, you're living out loud.
At the end of the day, you won't be able to blame your detractors for why you didn't fulfill your dreams, they aren't holding you back, you're giving them power. If your detractors are reflections of your own fear still buried deep inside of you, then by all means, keep walking through that fear, keep polishing your diamond soul til it reflects only light.
What they think is none of your business, and what they think changes every day.
Wishing you didn't have detractors and doubters - again, that's asking for life to be easy, when it's not. It's challenging, fascinating, amazing, terrifying, beautiful, but not easy.
Ignore your audience, listen to your inner voice.
Sometimes people still ask me why I dress the way I do and am the way I am, because it's so "different," and that pains me; we live in such a place that everyone feels the need to fit in and fears deviation from the herd.
Go your own way.
I say I dress the way I do and live the way I do so the stars can see me from the sky and so my fate won't pass me by.
BE BIG!
Don't you think the stars look down and watch you shine, the way you look up at them? Of course they do, they're probably making wishes on you right now.
Don't let others' fear clouds hang over you and dim your love light. Continue to, or have the courage, to light your own way." ~Doitgirl
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